Maggie Listens

I’m heartbroken over my wife’s death and dread facing the family over Xmas

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries

I’m struggling to deal with my wife’s death this year, and can’t face Christmas with my family Dear Maggie

I never thought I’d write to someone I don’t know but the fact is, since my wife died earlier this year, I’ve felt unable to tell anyone how I feel.

We were married for nearly 30 years and she was my world. We did everything together.

Earlier this year, she passed away of cancer and I have struggled so hard to accept this – and it doesn’t get any easier. I am dreading Christmas. My son and my daughter have both invited me to stay over the holiday period – but I don’t want to spoil their day by being sad and miserable.

I’d rather be home alone, but they keep nagging me that I must be with them.

What can I say to convince them that I’d rather be on my own?

Maggie says

I don’t think you will ever be able to explain that to them – because the fact is they don’t want you to be alone on Christmas day.

They love you and care about you and know that you are missing your wife so much.

Remember that they, too, will be missing their mum this Christmas.

So I think the best thing you can do for your son and daughter – and yourself – is to accept the fact that this year you need to be together.

It doesn’t need to be a sad day, but the inescapable fact is that the first Christmas after a bereavement is a very poignant time.

Thoughts return to other festive days when you were all together, happily enjoying each other’s company.

But rather than letting this make you miserable, why not cherish those precious memories, share the joy of them and find comfort in talking about the good times you had as a family?

For hundreds of people who have been bereaved, this time of year isn’t necessarily a joyous one – but I hope you find a degree of comfort and peace by being with the people you love who clearly love you, too.