Bah humbug! Will I look like the office Scrooge if I snub our work Christmas party? I’m dreading it

Dear Maggie

It’s my office Christmas party next week but I really don’t want to go.

I haven’t enjoyed it for the past few years.

There’s a lot of bitchy gossiping among the women who work beside me and then when we all get together over a meal and a few drinks everyone is pretending they are best friends.

It’s all so false and I just don’t want to be a part of it anymore but when I told our boss that I wasn’t coming this year he was really miffed and said: “Don’t be a spoilsport. It will be a great night – a lovely meal and lots of fun.”

How can I say to him that it’s just the falseness of my colleagues that’s really getting me down?

They moan about each other and then put on this big pretence in company.

I just don’t want to be a part of it any more.

I know they’ll talk about me if I don’t come but I’d much rather stay home than put on a big pretence that I’m enjoying myself when I’m not.

Maggie says

Office parties can be tricky.

All the niggles and tensions that build up over the year sometimes come to a head when people have had a few drinks too many and then say something they regret.

But if you intend to keep working in the same place, I suggest you make an effort to overcome your reservations and go along.

Why? Because the chances are if you stay home you’ll spend the evening worrying about what they might be saying about you!

Added to that your boss will be disappointed if you don’t show up.

So I suggest you treat yourself to something new to wear, put on a bright face and go along determined to have a good time.

Be sociable, chat to the people around you, don’t get involved in any gossiping, enjoy the meal, talk to your colleagues about their Christmas plans, have they finished their Xmas shopping?

Above all, keep everything light and general.

It may not be the best night of your life, but if you can do the diplomatic thing and show up I think you’ll be proud of yourself.

Sometimes the things we force ourself to do turn out better than we feared.

Have you heard the saying

– “if life gives you lemons, why not make lemonade?”

Go along determined to make the best of things and even if it doesn’t turn out to be a great night, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that’s it over for another year!

Dear Maggie

My husband died last year and this is my first Christmas without him.

I’m dreading it. We were married for 28 years and our two children are now married with their own families.

Our daughter lives in the south of England and our son works out in Dubai.

Both of them have invited me to spend Christmas with them and their families but the thought of travelling puts me off.

I’ve lost confidence in myself and I don’t think I want to leave home. I’d rather be on my own than pretending to have a good time when I’m not. But I know my children won’t be happy with that decision.

Maggie says

You’re right they won’t be happy knowing that you’re home alone at Christmas.

So I suggest that you go down to visit your daughter in England which is easier than tackling a trip to Dubai on your own

Pack your suitcase with clothes for a week, and prezzies for your family. Buy a ticket by train or plane whichever is easier for you and tell your daughter your estimated time of arrival. With your loved ones around you it may be a little more bearable.