I’m worried my daughter will ruin her dream of becoming a teacher by taking a year out

Dear Maggie

Since she was a little girl our 18-year-old daughter Marian always planned to be a teacher.

She got a good group of Highers and applied to university to study English. She was so thrilled when she got a place on the course and for the first year everything seemed to be going well.

She brought home some of the friends she made at university and my husband and I enjoyed meeting them.

But gradually there was one girl, Sophie, who we began to have doubts about. This girl seemed to have a very powerful influence over our daughter. It made me feel very uneasy to see how Marian hung on her every word and nodded in agreement with her about everything from politics to opinions about books, politics and TV programmes.

Then last week, Marian dropped the bombshell news that she is planning to take “a year out” from her university course to go travelling with her friend Sophie.

I just don’t understand why she would want to do this? Surely it’s more important to complete her degree before she thinks of going travelling? We’ve had a big row about it and I don’t know what to do.

It has caused a row between me and my husband because he says “it’s her life and her decision to make.” What can I do to stop our daughter ruining her future over some half-baked plan?

Maggie says

This may not be what you want to hear – but the fact is it is Marian’s life and she is of an age to make her own choices.

I’d feel as you do that it would be better to complete her degree before going travelling – but it’s not an uncommon choice she is making and hopefully she will learn from the experience and return to studying with renewed energy and commitment.

So by all means give your opinion but the decision is hers to make.

Show an interest in her plans, talk with her about where she intends to travel and let her go with your blessing – and this way you are strengthening the bond between you.

Like all mothers you will worry about her when she is away from home, but with the internet she will be able to keep in touch with you on a regular basis, so encourage her to do that.

Invite Sophie round for dinner before they leave and keep the conversation light but positive.

If you can let Marian go with good grace and a positive attitude, you are doing the best thing you can to strengthen your relationship with your daughter.