Why quitting could be the best move you make

Is it time to walk away from a job, relationship, or even your home?

It goes against current thinking as we encourage our children and each other to push on through, no matter what obstacles lie in our path.

But could it be time to give up on a toxic relationship, accept your “dream job” is seeping joy from the rest of your life or that the stress of training for a marathon is simply not worth it?

Culturally there is real pressure to strive, yet different areas in psychology actively promote the concept of leaving behind situations which are not making us happy.

Clinical psychologist Dr Rachel Andrew, author of The Supermum Myth, believes that the notion of having to be the best is instilled in us from an early age. She said:“When children are very young we encourage them to be happy in themselves, that we love them as they are, no matter what.Then they go to school and we add this element that says you need to do well.”

January often sparks re-appraisal, but it can also be a time when people feel paralysed by indecision.

Life coach Gordon McCrorie, who has been helping Scots transform their lives for 10 years as The Happiness Guy, says the biggest barrier to moving on is our deep-rooted fear of the unknown.

He says: “Your head and your heart speak different languages and they are often not on the same page. As human’s we are searching for certainty but we have to learn that we are never going to 100% achieve that.

“We are also hardwired not to take relationships apart, even if they are not good for us. It goes back to evolution – it doesn’t care about the individual, it cares about the progression of the species. If you separate from the group you are in isolation and mammals don’t do well in isolation.

“Add our thoughts into that and that whips us up into a frenzy. We would rather have an awful certainty than any uncertainty. It takes a lot of strength and courage to break through that barrier.” Today’s emphasis on wellbeing is showing us a gentler approach through recognising that moving on is not failure but rather clearing

the decks and setting the foundation for a happier future. It’s not about living life at 100 miles per hour and hoping the occasional moment of mindfulness will make life more balanced, but rather making yourself a priority.

Gordon insists putting yourself first is not being selfish, but being smart. He said: “When people look at their family they see it from the outside. They care for those in their family unit but forget to place themselves in that circle.

“You owe it to yourself to keep yourself happy and healthy for your family. It’s an important lesson for your children too – that your emotional and physical wellbeing is your own responsibility.”

Yet many of us continue to stay in toxic marriages or stressful jobs which make us miserable. A recent poll of 1,200 workers by recruitment company CV Library, revealed that 55.6% of UK employees are unhappy in their current role, with almost a quarter citing a poor work-life balance as the main reason. Many of us feel “stuck” because of money issues but Gordon points out that can be a false economy.

Gordon says: “We all need to get paid but many of us are only doing the job to facilitate other aspects of our life. You don’t need to have the latest iPhone and two German cars in the driveway.

“When you are doing a job you love you can do it for 12 hours and still come home and have an abundance of energy. Doing a job you hate will impact on your health and wellbeing.

“Similarly, if you are in an unhappy marriage you won’t have the energy to devote to your children. If you don’t feel nourished you can’t nourish those around you.”

Feeling guilty about making a major change that will benefit you, but that loved ones may not agree with, can also hold people back.

Dr Andrew said:“We can be our own worst critic. Often we think about what we feel we ‘should’ be doing and the ‘shoulds’ often come from unrealistic ideas about family, relationships and what’s expected of us.

“These ideas can come from the way we have been parented or from wider messages about how successful or ‘good’ people live their lives. Guilt can be questioned, as can the rules we set ourselves to live by.”