Gran-of-eight Maggie Clayton’s advice column

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie

My boyfriend and I got engaged at Christmas and we planned to get married this summer.

We started looking at hotels and pricing what they charged, and although we have both have savings, I was surprised by how much it would cost.

We have discussed whether we should wait another year till, hopefully, all the lockdown problems are over and this would also give us time to add to our savings.

But then my boyfriend surprised me a few weeks ago by suggesting we forget the idea of a white wedding followed by a big reception in an expensive hotel and just get married quietly with immediate family and some friends.

This is what he would prefer but I’m caught between thinking it’s a sensible idea, but then I wonder – would I end up regretting giving up on the plans for the white wedding I’ve dreamed off for so long?

Last week we had a row over it and he has been tense and difficult to talk to.

I’m worried about how to sort this out. What do you suggest?

Maggie says

There are many couples facing exactly the same situation right now. This pandemic has changed so many plans for so many people and

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there are no simple solutions to the ongoing uncertainty.

The choice is either go ahead with a simpler wedding than you had planned or postpone the date until you can have the white wedding of your dreams.

Your boyfriend is giving you that choice. So you don’t have to make a quick decision. Think it over calmly and quietly and weigh up the options. Would you end up feeling regrets for missing out on your dream wedding in the years to come?

Or can you be happy to make your vows together and start married life together sooner rather than later?

It’s a big decision but I do hope you can think it through and come to an agreement which suits both of you. Marriage is always about compromise – so you are getting off to a good start. Wishing you both every happiness.

Dear Maggie

Last week, one of my colleagues told me that a member of our office staff finds me very difficult to work with and she had reported me to the boss, saying I had been rude to her. I wasn’t totally surprised, as I have always found that member of staff moody.

I don’t know whether to speak directly to her or to ask for a meeting with the boss to get this sorted out. I honestly don’t believe I have done anything wrong, but I want this cleared up.

Maggie says

Tension at work isn’t easy for anyone, so I think its better for you to speak directly to your colleague and try to understand how she is feeling.

Don’t go on the defensive immediately. Listen quietly and take time to work out in your mind what you want to say.

Perhaps unintentionally you have given her the wrong impression about what you are thinking and feeling. So keep an open mind and choose your words carefully.

It is in the best interests of both of you, to resolve this before it escalates any further.

Good luck.