The best Mother’s Day gift ? How about a safer and more tolerant world for women?
Mum tells how cherished
There’s a phrase I’ve seen over and over again throughout the pandemic that I really resonate with: “We are living through history and it is tiring.”
Trying to juggle work commitments, home schooling and Zoom catch-ups, all while staying healthy and, well, sane, has been a huge challenge for everyone. But, according to new research, lockdown has impacted one group more than any other, and that’s women.
Office for National Statistics data, released last week, found that women’s wellbeing has been the most negatively affected during the first year of the pandemic, with many reportedly feeling more anxious, depressed and lonely than ever before.
The research also found that women were more likely to be furloughed, while spending significantly less time working from home, and more time on unpaid household work and childcare. I’m sure none of this will come as a surprise to the women reading this column, but it is nonetheless very worrying to think the pandemic has perhaps widened the social inequalities that had, largely, begun to improve over the past few decades.
We know that women are traditionally still the ones who bear the brunt of the childcare and the responsibility of looking after family members who are sick or elderly. So, with the stress of a pandemic added on top of everything else, it’s no wonder we are physically and mentally exhausted.
Part of the reason I think women have been so disproportionately affected is the simple fact we don’t have the same amount of time to relax or blow off steam.
Here’s a prime example. For most, exercise is one of the easiest and most important ways to unwind and, for those with children, full-time jobs or both, the evening is often the only opportunity they have to go for a walk, run or just pop outside for a bit of fresh air. But women, unlike men, simply can’t do any of those things outside after dark.
It may surprise some men to hear this, but the majority of women would consider a night-time walk just too risky.
We avoid isolated spots, cross the road to avoid strangers, send our live location to friends, and carry personal safety alarms because we are scared of what might happen out there alone in the dark.
It’s an issue that has been widely discussed on social media in the wake of the tragic disappearance of Sarah Everard last week, and I know so many women have been sharing their own experiences of the everyday fear and anxiety that comes from simply being a woman.
It’s seems appropriate that today of all days, Mother’s Day, we have an open and honest conversation about how we can help, support and protect the women in our lives.
But it shouldn’t end at just talking – we need to take action and champion real change to ensure that future generations live in a safer, happier and more tolerant world. For me, that would be a much better gift than a card and a bunch of flowers.
I remember writing about the Bafta nominations last year and lamenting the truly shocking lack of diversity within every single category. So it was a pleasant surprise to see the awards seem to have taken a massive step in the right direction.
Not only do 16 of the 24 acting nominees come from ethnic minority backgrounds, for the first time in Bafta history, four women have been shortlisted
in the best director category. How fantastic is that?
It’s another great example of the world finally starting to take notice of the inequalities in our everyday lives, and I can only hope the trend continues.
She was literally one in a million. But Eilidh Anderson didn’t need a rare diagnosis to single her out.
She charmed everyone she met, had a smile that would light up a room and, with Joy as a middle name, was on a mission to spread it every day of her short life.
Last week brought another birthday on the calendar the youngster will never see, nearly two years after she lost her battle with a rare genetic condition. But there was still be cake and celebration – and a bank of marvellous memories to mark the milestone.
Mum Pamela said: “I remember when Eilidh was diagnosed thinking it was going to be a bumpy ride but we were going to experience joy like no other. And we certainly did. She brought joy in life and continues to do so after death. She was a gift. And the memories keep her alive.”
Eilidh was just six when she died in April 2019, three years after being diagnosed with Joubert Senior Loken syndrome. The genetic condition, which hampers neurological development, affects just one in every million people. Aged four, Eilidh was diagnosed with stage-three kidney disease, an associated condition, which soon became terminal.
“There were no signs initially,” said Pamela, 46. “When Eilidh was born she was the most perfect baby. She was like a dream.”
But as their second child got older, Pamela and husband Walter, also parents to Archie, now 10, realised she wasn’t meeting her milestones.
“She wasn’t sitting up, wasn’t reaching out for things, and we started to think something maybe wasn’t quite right,” said Pamela. “For years, doctors said they knew Eilidh had a difficulty but they just couldn’t pinpoint what was causing it. It wasn’t until she was three that Eilidh was eventually diagnosed.
“But it didn’t really matter because we already knew Eilidh would take her own path. We had had so many years of just living in the now and just giving her allthesupportsheneededinthe moment. It was just confirmation that would continue.”
Kidney function is affected by the condition – and it was clear from the early days that Eilidh’s was declining rapidly.
“When it reached terminal stage in August 2018, we were told she
had between six weeks and six months to live,” said Pamela. “But we were lucky enough to get eight months with her before she passed away.”
And it was eight months of wellness. “Despite her diagnosis, she wasn’t a ‘sick’ child,” said Pamela. “She loved swimming and going to her clubs. She only spent 20 or so nights at hospital throughout her short life. Eilidh was at nursery until 10 days before she died and full of life right up until the end.”
But the family, from Edinburgh, did have to spend those months having heart-breaking