‘I’m not a victim. I’m a survivor’
RAF veteran reveals rape to call for change in forces
An RAF veteran has told how she was raped by a colleague on a tour of duty in Iraq as she urges action to curb sexism and misogyny in the armed forces.
Helen Bolland said she was failed after superior officers offered no support following the attack, which inflicted mental trauma and led to the end of her career in the military.
She now believes the Ministry of Defence is ignoring the growing scandal of military sexual trauma – an issue already recognised in the US – as she waives her right to anonymity to break her silence and demand action.
An investigation by MPs has exposed a harrowing litany of misogyny and sexual violence in the forces, with survivors taking years to heal from the psychological impact while enduring related conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder, and depression.
The former air force intelligence analyst said it has taken many years for her to reclaim her life and mental health. Speaking out to help secure better support for other service women, she said: “I now wear my rape with pride. I am a survivor not a victim. I survived it.”
She urged defence chiefs to act: “Acknowledge our pain and help us. We are not a dirty secret to be hidden away.”
An RAF veteran has revealed the devastating psychological toll after she was raped by a colleague while on tour in Iraq.
Helen Bolland has waived her anonymity to speak out publicly and accuse the Ministry of Defence (MoD) of ignoring the escalating issue of military sexual trauma in the UK.
She is urging more expert help and support for those affected by the problem which is now widely recognised in the US, where it has been linked to post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and other mental health issues. Bolland, a former air force intelligence analyst, said: “I used to be full of shame.
“Now I know the shame is not mine, it’s his. I hope that I can help other people come forward and get help.
“I am a survivor not a victim. I survived it. It is not to until I flipped things on their head, stopped being a victim and started being a survivor that things begin to change.
“The more I speak about it, the less frightened and more empowered I feel. I hope that by speaking I can help other people who have gone through military sexual trauma to go and get the help they need. The MoD needs to acknowledge military sexual trauma amongst its serving personnel and veterans and stop sweeping it under the carpet.
“Military sexual trauma is going to be the next scandal to hit our armed forces and the powers that be should get in front of this and do something about it. Survivors matter so acknowledge our pain and help us. We are not a dirty secret to be hidden away.”
She told how she was attacked in 2005 by a colleague while deployed on Operation Telic in Iraq. She said: “I was in two or three locations over there doing my job as an analyst but while there I was raped a colleague. I wasn’t able to report it but everyone knew something had happened and assumed I had been a willing participant.
“My own boss threatened to have me charged with fraternisation while my colleagues blackballed me.
“I wasn’t given a chance to explain what had happened and there was no-one there to report it to. I was in a camp full of strangers. I was so scared and so glad to get eventually away from there as I had to work every day with this guy.
“It is shocking to me that so many years later the MoD still refuses to properly recognise and address military sexual trauma while other governments do.”
Military sexual trauma is classed as any sexual harassment or assault that occurs during military service. It has been recognised in US federal law and by the US Government’s Department of Veteran Affairs but is not yet acknowledged by UK authorities.
Despite making up approximately 11% of the UK military, there has been limited research on the impact of adversity on women’s experience during their service in the armed forces.
A team from the University of Oxford, King’s College London and the veterans’ mental health charity Combat Stress – which surveyed 750 women veterans – found 22.5% had suffered sexual harassment, 5.1% had suffered sexual assault, 22.7% were victims of emotional bullying and 3.3% had been physically assaulted.
Sexual harassment was linked to various physical symptoms and women who had suffered sexual assault were more likely to have problems with alcohol and suffer mental health conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or depression while symptoms include: intense emotional shifts, negative feelings such as depression, anger, guilt, or shame, difficulty sleeping, feeling emotionally numb; and challenges with intimate relationships.”
Bolland, 41, from Erskine, said: “As soon as I got back from Iraq I started displaying symptoms of PTSD because I wasn’t able to talk about what happened.
“The doctors thought it could not be PTSD because I had not been in a bomb blast or an incident like that.
“I had one psychiatrist who said to me in this Etonian accent: ‘There’s nothing wrong with you, young girl, you just need to get your hair done and a new dress and you will be right as rain’.
“I couldn’t understand why I was selfharming and I was having these sort of out-of-body experiences and feeling the way I was.”
She said men and women were all too often afraid to speak about rape or sexual assault during their military service.
She said: “Often the perpetrator is in a
Military sexual trauma will be the next scandal to hit our armed forces
position of authority over you. Your loyalties become tied because you don’t want to damage team morale or how you work together.
“In reporting it, the victim is often the one who has to suffer – being posted away from their friends and colleagues and the perpetrator whilst an investigation is carried out.”
Bolland – who left the RAF in 2008 – has embarked on a social work degree at Glasgow Caledonian University and now feels her life is getting back on track.
She said: “I loved my job and was also upset at losing my career. My medical discharge didn’t provide the cure I thought it would, after all I had been told there was nothing wrong with me, so when was spat out onto civvy street I fought and struggled with all my might to stay afloat but eventually I drowned.
“It has taken years of fighting to get my service medical pension, to get the right diagnosis, treatments, housing, some compensation, state benefits, and to see light at the end of a very long tunnel.
“The fight still goes on. I am still fighting to get treatment for my chronic health conditions which are directly attributed to my service.
“I am incredibly lucky that there are service charities out there helping me and veterans like me. Erskine provides me with a home which I rent, where I feel safe from my PTSD nightmares.
“The RAF Benevolent Fund have also funded one of my new wheelchairs so I can go to university and get round campus independently.”
In the US, the Department of Veteran Affairs found that one in three women and one in 50 men had experienced military sexual trauma and offers support from military sexual trauma co-ordinators and specialised treatment in residential or inpatient settings.
As she recovered, Bolland reported the attack to Police Scotland earlier this year.
Officers then passed her case to the service police who have launched a probe into her allegation.
Police Scotland said: “A report was made and was passed to the Royal Military Police who are dealing with this incident.”
The MOD said it could not comment on individual cases, adding: “Sexual assault or harassment has no place in the armed forces and all allegations are taken seriously and investigated by the service police.
“We continue to improve reporting mechanisms so personnel feel safe in raising issues and confident allegations will be acted on.
“This includes creating a victim and witness care unit, ensuring complaints of bullying, harassment or discrimination are dealt with by outside the chain of command, and strengthening the levers available to discharge someone who has committed a sexual offence.”