‘We love them like our own’
Foster parents reveal joy of giving children a chance
The John Lewis advert showing a middle-aged man painfully learning to skateboard to help break the ice with his teenage foster daughter has brought a lump to the nation’s throat, writes Tracey Bryce.
But, for foster carers Iain and Elaine Polk, it brought back memories of the first time they welcomed a vulnerable child into their Cumbernauld home 15 years ago. “I definitely choked
up when I saw it,” Elaine said. “We’ve been foster carers for a long time, but it really brought the memories flooding back of opening the door and seeing a child standing there. It’s an emotional time, every time.”
The Polks have cared for 13 children over a decade and a half – and say it had such a positive impact on their lives, and that of their own three children.
“We’ve loved every minute,” Iain, 53, said. “I always say to people fostering isn’t a job, it’s not a career, it’s a way of life – and the best one there is.”
As Iain and Elaine’s children reached the teenager years, the couple decided the time was right to think about helping less fortunate youngsters. “It’s very common to foster when you have your own children, but everybody has to be ready,” Elaine, also 53, said.
“Initially it was myself that introduced the idea. When our children were young, I stayed at home with them and I loved it. I think it was one of the happiest times for me. I minded other children too. I think it was a time, with our own children growing up, that I wanted to get back. And that’s where our conversation started.”
Iain added: “Elaine was sold on the idea well before me, but we went to an introduction evening and that changed my outlook. It was heartbreaking, emotional and really brought home some of the difficulties the children were facing.”
With their own children aged 13, 15 and 17, they were old enough to grasp the concept and appreciate it would change the dynamic at home.
“They understood and supported the decision,” the couple said. “They knew that they had a happy life here, and wanted to be able to give that to another child.”
Elaine – birth mum to Connor, 32, Kaitlin, 30, and Shannon, 28 – said welcoming a foster child was very much like the John Lewis ad. “You’ve got that excitement but you’ve also got the nerves and the worry. Will they like us? Will they like our home? Will everybody get on?
“You’ve got to remember you’re not just going to get a child knocking on your front door, and then they’re going to be so glad that they’ve got a home...that’s not how it works.”
Elaine and Iain have fostered 13 children so far, some staying for a month and others 13 years. They switched from interim to longer-term care, largely as, after forming such a close bond with some of the children, they found it incredibly hard and emotional to say goodbye.
They currently foster two children, aged 16 and 17, long term, with the eldest feeling so at home with the Polks that he recently officially adopted their surname. The children have disabilities and learning difficulties that presented some challenges, but Elaine and Iain, who gave up his job as a mechanic five years ago to become a full-time foster carer too, say they wouldn’t have it any other way.
“They’re part of the family,” Elaine said. “Even when they come out of foster care, they’ll still be our children.
“Every child is different, and we have to take our lead from them. But we do love them as if they are our own, and don’t treat them any differently from our own. It’s the same house rules and they have the same boundaries. We feel when a child comes to us they need that stability of a family.”
Elaine added: “You’ve got to take and spend the time with each child and work out what they need.”
And, while he hasn’t taken up skateboarding, Iain can regularly be found dressing up as Santa, going on rollercoasters...and doing things he would never have dreamed of before if it makes the children happy.
“It keeps us young!” he said. “I never thought at over 50 I would still be climbing trees, but it has been known!”
The Polks are counting down the days to Christmas, which they say is a particularly special time. But, equally, they’ve looked after some children for whom Christmas has been overwhelming. I remember one year a child came to us just before Christmas. They were so overwhelmed, it took until the 27th of December for them to open all the presents.
“We have such a bond with the children living with us now that Christmas is magical. And we’re looking forward to it. Our children come back to us and we all bake cookies and Skype my daughter who lives in America and she makes cookies at the same time. Christmas is a lovely family time for us – and, with a bigger family, it’s just even better.
“But really, every day for us is like Christmas! We feel the magic all year round.”