MODERN STEREOTYPES
The art enthusiast
Harriet never thought that she would become the sort of woman who takes courses. Other than baking cakes that no one eats because the whole of Woldshire has gone gluten-free, courses seemed the last resort of those studiously (literally) avoiding daytime television. Various erstwhile sensible friends have embraced the arcane pleasures offered by Tithe Barn Arts: chanting, mindfulness, angel whispering, tarot card reading – even Shula in The Archers has taken up mah-jong.
Golf and bridge courses seem positively banal. Annie from Badger Farm says her life has been changed by creative writing. Lesson One was how to compose a thank-you letter which, Harriet thinks, is a shame she did not know by the age of 50. And just when text has become socially acceptable: “Thx 4 a gr8 nite.” Plus smiley face.
So, when Harriet’s husband gave her a beginners’ art course for Christmas – probably to get her out of the house – (a) she was sceptical and (b) if she had to be given something useless, she would have preferred jewellery. Now, she wouldn’t be anywhere else on a Monday morning than wielding an HB pencil. They’ve learnt about drawing spheres and cubes made out of cardboard and sticky-back plastic; about how to mix a blackout of red, yellow and blue; about the 50 shades of grey required to paint a white jug. Harriet now feels empowered to be an adviser to Farrow & Ball on whites.
Slapping her oils with a tiny palette knife, she forgets her many worries: not March 29 but why her daughter wants to be married in a yurt, whether her son is only pursuing a degree in drinking at Newcastle University, the difficulty of achieving 10,000 steps a day and the failure of her rescue chickens to lay.
The studio may be freezing, the students gassed by fumes from the oil heater, and Harriet’s fingernails ingrained with charcoal and Cobalt Violet but – oh joy! – she has achieved a still life of an orange and a banana. Take that Miss Hatchet, you rotten old art teacher all those years ago at the convent.
She now feels ready to be an adviser to Farrow & Ball