Sophia Money-Coutts Modern Manners

Households have saved thousands during the lockdown? My ‘savings’ have gone on purchases to elevate house arrest

It’s going to be an embarrassing meeting with Graham the accountant next year. I’m often embarrassed when I visit the accountant. Last time I went, Tom Hiddleston stepped out from Graham’s office with a smile before I went in to deliver a nervous but impassioned speech about why all my Pret sandwiches were business expenses. I can’t imagine that Tom fritters his Hollywood cash on egg and tomato baguettes, but they do set one up for the day, along with an extra-strong Americano, plus one of their berry muffins depending on how greedy I’m feeling. Usually, pretty greedy.

There will be fewer Pret expenses this year but if I glance back over my bank statements, peeping between my fingers, there’s an awful lot of Sainsbury’s, Waitrose, Sainsbury’s again, Majestic, back to Waitrose before another quick spin in Sainsbury’s. And that’s just one day. My food and drink expenditure, in other words, seems extreme even for me.

I mention it since I read a headline this week that provoked guilt, and then suspicion: “Lockdown savings give households a £ 7,000 Christmas present”. According to the vibrantly named Centre for Economics and Business Research, the average British family has saved £7,100 since January, having not been on holiday or gallivanting in restaurants. I was further disgusted to read that some of this saved cash has been “invested in pensions.” Well I’m sorry, but if you’ve been squirrelling away dosh for the future instead of spanking it on crisps and wine like the rest of us, then I’m not sure you’ve given 2020 a proper go.

It’s not just crisps and wine, either. As I continue down my statement with the mounting disappointment of a parent reading a bad school report, it seems I’ve been pretty busy in the local butcher, on Deliveroo and on beauty websites ordering supplies such as

Making candles was as just one way to pass the time during the lockdown this year vitamins, serum masks and waxing strips. They were a particular let-down. I really shouldn’t have bothered.

Amazon, too, obviously. Earplugs, recipe books, thermal rmal socks, a pestle and mortar, a new compost bin, a lawnmower, an electric c thermometer, electric kitchen scales and so on. Purchase after purchase designed igned to elevate the experience of being ng under house arrest in one’s own n home. Save money? I’ve been n too busy buying stretchy clothing lothing for that.

But haven’t many any of us developed ed incontinent spend- ing habits? My y brother bought a hot tub, my sister a pasta machine, my even more eccen- tric brother has as started passing the time by making candles in his kitchen, n, having ordered oils and nd wax.

Elsewhere, people ople have splurged on expensive nsive exercise bikes, fire pits ts and the Hilary Mantel trilogy. Also, o, puppies. I believe the average price of a spaniel puppy has just hit seven figures res and yet my local park continues to swarm with the things. I thought I saw an ant on a lead last week but, on closer inspection, it turned out to be a young dachshund. According to Barclaycard, laycard, their clients’ most outlandish purchases in the past few months include de a stuffed crocodile and a piece of the moon.

A piece of the moon, oon, Graham! I might not have saved any y pennies, but at least I didn’t buy that. Or a hot tub. A hot tub’s much more Tom’s department than mine.

My eccentric brother is making candles in his kitchen, having ordered oils and wax