‘HE’S CONSERVATIVE, I’M A LIBERAL’
Basma Gale, holistic health coach, 41, and Tom Gale, recruitment company founder, 41, Kent
When I first met Tom, I wasn’t a fan. We were at the Camden Palace, in the 1990s and he was dressed head to toe in yellow. I found him arrogant. But without knowing why, I also got a strong sense he would be an important part of my life as soon as I saw him on the dancefloor. He says he was drawn to me by the way I treated everyone equally, from the famous DJs backstage to the homeless chap outside the club. I found his confidence appealing. At first, we were just friends, but drawn to each other with a real mutual appreciation. It was weird, because although I wasn’t attracted to him there was an inner knowing. We just knew we were going to be together. I’m not an extrovert, in fact I’m quite shy, but back then I had bright pink hair. Incredibly, when I met Tom’s parents a month later, still with pink hair, they didn’t bat an eyelid.
There are so many differences between us, it’s almost funny. He’s 6ft 5in, a whole foot taller than me. He’s white, I’m Asian. He’s Christian. I’m Muslim. He’s conservative (his dad’s a Tory MP), I’m liberal. He’s corporate, I work in holistic health. In short, we are polar opposites! Yet, despite all that, and having endured many trials, we are living our dream life with our two kids, eight and six, and a labrador.
Of course, I soon found out he was a Cconservative as well as a Christian, but it just didn’t seem important. I can see people as they truly are, without the labels. Tom’s dad has been a Conservative MP for nearly 40 years, but Tom and I have never clashed over politics. We accept and don’t try to change each other. We do fall on different sides over many things, and when that happens, we’ll have a heated debate and agree to disagree.
In 2007 we got married in the chapel at the Houses of Parliament and had a Muslim ceremony later. There was definitely an “us against the world” element before we had the kids, but now we’re a team. Even in an argument it’s about remembering that we’re on the same side. With the kids we talk about all religions, celebrate Eid, teach them about Ramadan but also celebrate Christmas and New Year – they get the lot!
We disagree on virtually everything, from what film to watch to where to go on holiday, but we have enough shared common values to hold us together. We’re both a big part of our local community, both into social justice and taking action to make the world a better place. When we do argue, I see it as a tool for growth, to understand ourselves and each other. It’s also about accepting him as he is. I don’t buy into the fairy-tale version of love, of meeting the one that completes you. Each partner has a responsibility for personal growth – we owe it to each other.
Tom says “Basma is amazing, kind and funny. She’s my best friend and we’re a good team. My family have always doted on Basma, and her parents, while reluctant at first, are now very accepting of our marriage. Our children are growing up in a multi-cultural family. And while I’ve grown up in a conservative household, we’re both fairly centrist, so our politics are pretty aligned. We both always want to try and help other people – it’s how we’ve grown up.”