‘Strangers know I’m £52,000 in debt – but my family have no idea’

There is a rise in the number of women turning to anonymous ‘debt-free’ communities to solve their money worries. Kate Graham finds out why

Fiona Chapman is searching for the perfect photo. There’s the arty black-and-white spiral staircase, the wooden jetty stretching out into the water or the dandelion clock blowing in the breeze.

In the end, she chooses a woman holding a sparkler, smiling, but with her face half hidden. Over the image, Fiona types, “Everybody lives beyond their means – Anon”; then she clicks “share”.

Fiona isn’t a savvy influencer selling a dream. She is a woman reflecting deeply on her money mistakes.

“I remember the above quote so clearly in my mind,” the then 38-yearold wrote. “It was said to me by someone I looked up to. It makes me sad to recall it now, because with that mindset I’ve always believed it’s OK to have credit. But I’m learning that actually it’s not.”

That was several years ago, when the mum-of-two was finally facing up to the reality of her £20,000 debt. As she added it up alone on her living room floor, dismay turned to determination.

But instead of going to Citizens Advice for guidance, Fiona turned to a far newer source of financial support. Instagram. It was around this time that an unlikely safe space had sprung up, a community on Instagram where hundreds of people were charting their own journeys out of debt.

Now, as more people than ever are struggling with overspending following the pandemic, there has been a huge rise in these “debt-free” communities.

Georgia Kelly, from Creator Partnerships at Meta (which owns Instagram), confirms its exponential growth. “We’ve seen a rise in ‘debt-free’ communities forming, particularly among women,” she says. “And some of the hashtags this community use have more than doubled in the past three months.”

In the past 90 days alone, the hashtag #debtfreecommunityuk has doubled, and #ukdebtfreecommunity has seen a 70 per cent rise. In the same time frame, #debtfreelife, #debtfreeliving and #debtfreegoals have risen by 50 per cent. It’s easy to see why. The Bank of England found that in November 2021 consumer credit rose by £1.23 billion, the highest figure for 16 months. And women have been disproportionately affected. In 2020-21, Debt Free London saw women with an average of 3.7 debts, compared to men with 3.4, and Fidelity International found in 2021 that more than a quarter of women said paying down debts was causing them stress.

It was through these hashtags that Fiona discovered a community full of UK women discussing their debts, charting every penny owed and spent, sharing in often forensic detail the highs and lows of becoming debt free.

Each account has its own aesthetic, but there are common themes across the grids. Pastel shades and pie charts, to-thepenny figures, and declarations such as “big win” and “don’t stress over what you can’t control”. What you won’t see very often are photos, because the majority of these accounts are anonymous. Something Fiona instantly understood.

“I immediately knew I wanted to start my own account, but it couldn’t be under my real name,” she explains. “I felt embarrassed. Debt is a subject still shrouded in stigma. Anonymity meant I could be as open and detailed as I liked. Without anyone except my husband knowing it was me.”

It’s a story all too familiar to Seema*, 31, a project manager. She began her account in September 2020, when a shopping addiction, generosity to friends and family and the pressure to keep up with others combined to leave her an eye-watering £52,131 in debt.

She was struggling with stressinduced migraines and panic attacks, and constantly running numbers through a spreadsheet to see how long it would take her to pay it all off.

“I needed accountability to tackle the debt head-on, but was so embarrassed. I knew that I came across as intelligent and that I inspired people around me with my work and life choices. I was worried that I wouldn’t be seen as credible any longer if people knew.”

Which is why Instagram was so appealing. It would give her the support she knew she’d need to make it down the long and painful road ahead.

Seema admits her first post was hard: “Even though I was using an anonymous account, I was hyper-aware that someone I knew could find me.”

But as Fiona had found, the positive comments and private messages made it a judgment-free zone. While in the “real world” only her best friend knew, this was a space where she could take comfort from the shared experience of thousands.

For psychotherapist Natasha Page there’s a certain irony to Instagram providing this space. The picture-perfect world the platform presents creates many of the unrealistic expectations that lead to low self-esteem and debt in the first place.

But this corner of it, giving people a chance to be open about their debt and the impact it’s having on their lives, can’t be underestimated.

“Debt can hold such shame and stigma, because for many it signifies some fundamental flaw within them as a person,” she explains.

“We’re hardwired to want to be liked and accepted, and don’t want to be seen as failing. So, the psychological impact of debt is huge.”

The catharsis of sharing their story with strangers online reflects therapy, she explains, precisely because the people reading it are not friends or family.

“A therapist listens and ‘holds’ that information, without lecturing or making you feel bad,” she explains. “Similarly, in an outlet like this, you express how you feel, ‘dump’ it there and leave. That can be extremely powerful.”

For Cassie, that’s one of the strengths of her new account. To friends, family and colleagues, she’s a capable 38-yearold, working in retail and raising her son. Only her 520 followers on littlemissdebtfree, set up in January 2022, know she has more than £6,000 of debt, that she’s felt anxiety and depression, and that the pressure of the debt has been paralysing.

“Being able to be totally vulnerable on Instagram is such a relief,” she says. “It’s my outlet, a way to chart my journey, and the anonymity makes me feel free. These people see the real me without needing to see who I am. Sometimes I simply post and run. I just need to get it out.”

Like Seema and Fiona, Cassie has learnt a huge amount of practical information through the debt-free community. Everything from how to check her credit rating and the various methods of debt repayment to helpful apps and tips on reducing food waste.

But it’s the sense of community that has made the biggest impact. “I’m never met with judgment when sharing my lows or epic fails. Just support and encouragement. It’s wonderful.”

In this way, these communities can let you “test the waters” of speaking about debt, says Natasha. It can act as a small stepping stone to being open with those in your “real” life.

“Not only can it give people the tools to open up to a loved one,” she says, “but time spent in a community who all share your experience of debt also lessens the stigma. Reducing that sense of shame makes speaking to friends and family so much easier.”

Cassie, who has paid off £562 in just four weeks since starting her account, and Seema, who has reduced her debt by £25,000 since September 2020, have no plans to “go public”.

But in January 2020, after 19 months of anonymity and having paid off £6,000 of debt, Fiona posted her photo. Next to the words “hello and welcome”, she wrote about her family and her previous diagnosis of cancer, as well as her debt journey.

“Over the months, I’d felt the freedom that came from being unshackled from the debt, but by staying anonymous I didn’t feel that I was being me,” she remembers. “I wanted to show the real person behind the account.”

She was nervous, not least because two people she knew in real life had

‘I’m never met with judgment when sharing my lows, just support and encouragement’

‘Think of it like an online diary, only with cheerleaders you can trust’

started following her account. In fact, revealing her identity didn’t lead to a flood of family and friends commenting.

“Whether or not they spoke about it amongst themselves, I don’t know,” she admits. “But nobody said anything to my face. And it felt great to have that authenticity.”

Anonymous or pictured, Natasha says the accountability that comes from putting your story out into the world is a powerful psychological tool.

“It can help people set goals and stick to them,” she says, “because we know we’re going to be reporting back to others.”

It’s something that all three women recognise and say has helped them move forwards to financial freedom.

Fiona paid off £12,500 of her personal debt in December 2020. She consolidated the rest, something that worked for her particular circumstances, but that she advises people to think very carefully about.

Now, she helps others through her business Financially Independent Me. She’s sure none of this would have happened so quickly, or perhaps at all, without Instagram.

“I’m not surprised that so many women are on there right now, posting about their debts. Anonymous or not, it helps you find the courage you need to tackle it head-on. Think of it like an online diary, only with cheerleaders you can trust, because everyone is in the same boat.”