£1m? Just go to the coast and freeze your entire body for free

Have you watched Freeze the Fear with Wim Hof? It’s a new BBC reality series, presented by Lee Mack and Holly Willoughby, in which a handful of celebrities you faintly recognise try to overcome their insecurities by leaping into icy water. Wim Hof is the Dutch “iceman” who’s become very famous in recent years for telling us all to take cold showers. An appalled BBC mole tells me it cost £1m an episode to make, which is very silly when cold-water swimming can be much cheaper.

Last weekend, while visiting Guernsey, I leapt into 9C water wearing an old M&S swimsuit borrowed from my stepmother. My legs hurt, my chest hurt and my breathing became shallow until I could bear it no longer and leapt out after a few minutes. But then I had a prolonged period of tingly bliss while my body warmed up, and the hangover I’d earned on Easter Sunday vanished.

For the same effect, head to the nearest coast and splash around like a spaniel. Although apologies to all the beach-goers who had their Easter Monday morning ruined by my brother shouting about his testicles disappearing. You don’t get that sort of muck on the BBC.