Can I sack my daughter’s godmother for doing a lousy job?

Irecently spent the day with two old friends, one of whom is godmother to the other’s son. I felt a wave of unwelcome envy when I watched him run into her arms for a hug after he came back from school.

The last time we happened to bump into my seven-year-old’s godmother Esme was at a local park, when she was back visiting her parents who live near us and not far from where we both grew up. My daughter didn’t even know who she was.

I know the past few years have been tough for us all and that meeting up has been almost impossible at times, but I can’t help feeling hurt that Esme hasn’t once arranged to visit, sent a birthday card or asked after her goddaughter. All we’ve had is the odd comment or like on social media and that’s it.

Whether it’s because Esme, who is an old school friend of mine, has children of her own and a business to run or just doesn’t give a damn, is unclear, but I think it’s a deal breaker as far as our friendship is concerned.

I have two other children and their godmothers are also two girls I went to school with. They both live locally and are part of our day-to-day lives, whereas Esme lives the other side of the M25. I know she comes back to the area quite often though and find it so disappointing that she doesn’t ever seem to squeeze in a visit to see us.

Our friendship was built on our shared years at an all-girls school, nights out in our hometown where we once went out with the same boy (not at the same time, I hasten to add) and then our 20-something wilderness years living in the same part of London where we saw each other all the time. We were part of a close group and I thought our friendship would last the test of time.

I know friendships and, to a certain extent, people, change, but I somewhat naively thought that we would always be part of each other’s lives.

It’s not as though I have especially high expectations of her as a godmother, I don’t think. I’m not religious, so it was more of a token “I hope to keep you in our lives” sort of gesture. I don’t expect her to lavish our daughter with presents, days out or attention, but it would be nice if she would have checked in once in a while.

I have two goddaughters and I always remember their birthdays and try and take a special interest in them. We have done the odd theatre trip and day out over the years and they know my three children.

So it is hard when someone who you have specifically chosen to be a part of your child’s life takes so little interest in them. It is difficult not to take it personally.

I know I should be brave enough to have a conversation with her about it, but I hate any form of confrontation and I’m not sure how I would broach it. What would I say? I feel now that so much time has passed it’s just too late to address it now.

Fortunately, one of my sister-in-laws is also my daughter’s godmother, so she does still at least have someone else to fulfil that role, even if she is also her aunt. They also live a few hours away from us, but we try and meet up over the school holidays.

As for my friend, there was a time I really dwelled on it, but I’ve just had to let it go for my own peace of mind – and hope that the old saying, “You can’t miss what you’ve never had” rings true for my daughter.

‘I know friendships and people change, but I naively thought we would always be a part of each other’s lives’