THE OTHER BAD FEELINGS THAT MAY ACTUALLY BE GOOD

Regret

In The Power of Regret, author Daniel Pink writes that Edith Piaf had it wrong. Regrets are helpful if we learn from them. In two large surveys he found that people’s regrets fall into four categories. First, people regret failure to act boldly – to not get on that plane, or take that job. Then came moral regrets about the times people were unkind, lied and bullied. People also regretted letting contact with loved ones fall away. And had foundational regrets about their failure to be responsible or prudent. Ignoring regrets means we don’t learn – but wallowing in them paralyses us. The answer is in the middle, having the courage to face our mistakes and make amends, where possible, by apologising or rectifying the behaviour. You could try writing a “failure CV”, which is where you list your mistakes in one column and in the next column list what you’ve learnt from them.

Anger

Research suggests that feeling angry increases optimism, creativity, effective performance – and expressing anger can lead to more successful negotiations, at home or at work. Like all emotions, it serves a purpose: it gives you the energy to face an adversary or a challenge. In fact, repressing anger can actually hurt you.

Sadness

Bittersweet by Susan Cain explains that melancholy feelings such as sadness, longing and grief are vital parts of being human, leading to great creativity and connection. When we see someone is sad, our first instinct is to help them, so it’s a helpful way for us to come together. What’s more, sadness is often the source of inspiration for great art and music. Apparently, people listen to happy songs on their playlists about 175 times, but sad ones 800 times. They say happy songs make them happy, but sad ones make them feel

connected, full.