BROACH THE SUBJECT OF SEX

Try to use ‘I’ phrases like ‘This is how I’m feeling’ rather than ‘you’ ones like ‘You’ve

been avoiding me’ Dr Catherine Hood, a specialist in psychosexual medicine, works in private practice and the NHS

in London

There are all sorts of things that can affect our libido or our feelings about sex, but talking about it isn’t easy. We worry about how a partner will react to what we say. Sometimes, we don’t understand why we’re feeling that way ourselves.

So establish the habit of regularly checking in about your relationship. Ask the broad questions: “How are we doing?” It needn’t be a heavy conversation about sex. It’s about finding time to build that closeness again.

When you do want to address sex directly, do some preparation. Write down your feelings and what you think would make it better. Then, in conversation, be specific about what you’d like to change. Try to use “I” phrases like “This is how I’m feeling” rather than “you” ones like “You’ve been avoiding me.”

It’s also best not to talk about sex when you’re expecting to have it, or you risk having a very emotional conversation. Breakfast can be a good time to break the ice. You might gently say: “Can we chat about this later?” A knee-jerk response might be defensive. So just open the door, then give yourselves time to think before discussing it fully.

* In 1990-1991 the median frequency with which adults reported having sex in the past month was five. When the next National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles was carried out a decade later, that had fizzled to four. In 2010-12? Three. Data for 2022-23 is currently being collated