The 8 signs you have FOMOT – fear of missing out on telly
Struggling to keep up in the golden age of TV? You’re not alone,
We have hit “peak television”. TV drama is bigger and better than it’s ever been – lavishly produced, dripping in prestige and packed with starry names. Just one problem: there’s too much of it.
There’s such an abundance of good stuff on our screens right now, we’re struggling to keep up. Just when you’ve got up to date with it all, Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s acclaimed spy series Killing Eve started last night. Bodyguard clashes with Vanity Fair tonight. Wanderlust overlaps with Bake Off on Tuesdays.
You’ve heard of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)? Well, TV’s golden age is giving us FOMOT (Fear of Missing Out on Telly). We’re drowning in dramas and taking “must-see” too literally. Talking about TV is the new boasting; if you can’t knowledgeably discuss the latest show du jour, it’s social suicide. Not to mention the constant fear of spoilers.
Here are eight telltale signs (or should that be telly tale signs?) that you too are suffering from FOMOT… …
You’ve got spoiler rage
You’ve taken to shouting “Spoilers!” at strangers on social media for revealing the latest contestant to leave the Bake Off tent – even though it was broadcast days ago. Jeez, can’t they organise their conversations around your personal viewing habits? Don’t they know you’re still two episodes behind, and haven’t even finished The Handmaid’s Tale yet? You even snarled at a copy of the Radio Times s this week because it had a Bodyguard clue on the cover.
You’ve turned into a goggle-geek
A few months ago, you’d never heard of them. Now, you’re faux-casually bandying about the names of TV dramatists like Jed Mercurio, Mike Bartlett and Hugo Blick, talking with authority about their trademark styles. You espouse pet theories about minor plot details (“Did you spot that Keeley Hawes’s disgruntled ex-PR’s driver was at the army veterans’ meeting?”). You indulge in post-transmission nitpicking about the authenticity of police procedure and whether Toni Collette would really have a shed like that.
You’re having telly tiffs with your partner
This abundance of unmissable TV is causing domestic discord. He’s glued to Trust, she is desperate to see Ben Chaplin in Press – which he thinks is tosh. She goes out for drinks one night and he “cheats on her” by watching that HBO whatsit they’d recorded. It’s grounds for TV drama divorce.
You’ve begun to bluff
You might have fallen behind, but you’re far too proud to admit it – it’s much easier to start pretending you’ve seen things. You can hold court about “that” orgasm scene in Wanderlust, so reckon you can safely skip the rest. You’ve binned off Black Earth Rising because it was baffling, but are now worried that a TV critic you like gave it five stars. You deploy phrases like “timely subject matter” and “feminist subtext” to
cover the gaps in viewing. No offence, but you haven’t even got the bandwidth for Channel 4’s No Offence.
You’re watching at weird times
Your viewing backlog means you’re trying to catch up at all hours of the day. You’re baggy-eyed from staying up until 1am bingeing Sharp Objects. You get ready for work in front of a must-see Netflix murder documentary. You’re watching Bake Off on your phone during your commute, even though the cakes are too tiny to see and it runs down the battery. Why do these sadistic schedulers put everything on in autumn, rather than spreading it throughout the year?
You wish shows were shorter
With so much telly to watch, your heart sinks when series are longer than you thought. You resent the fact that Killing Eve and Black Earth Rising are eight episodes, not six. Thirteen weeks of Strictly and 10 of Bake Off is virtually half a year’s worth. And why was The Handmaid’s Tale a whopping 13-parter? Its makers, Hulu, said it could last another eight seasons. Clear your diary.
Television is starting to rule your social life
For the first time in a decade, you’re watching programmes in the live, old-fashioned, when-they-actually-air way. Something has to give, and that something is your friends. Come on, can’t Annabel and Ben just move their dinner party to Wednesday, when there’s nothing on? Or perhaps we can all have pudding on the sofa at 9pm? In silence, so you can concentrate on the mumbly dialogue. No? So selfish.
You’re stressed because Strictly’s starting
Your heart pounds with panic when you realise the live shows are back next Saturday. Then there’s the first female Doctor Who and the return of The Good Place within a fortnight. The Romanoffs, Rom Matt Weiner’s long-awaited long follow-up to Mad Men Me (which you never finished either), arrives on Amazon next month. And you’ve heard that new Channel 4 reality thingy The Circle could be “the next Love Island”. Too. Much. Telly. You might need to take a sickie from now until Christmas to watch it all. Can you get a doctor’s note for FOMOT?