AND WHATW ABOUT THE MIDLIFE MIDLI SEX DROUGHT? SAYS RROWAN PELLING

I met up with old friends at a 50th birthday party recently, and as the wine flowed our conversation descended into competitive banter about who was having the least sex. The reasons varied. One woman had a sick partner, another shared her bed with her six-yearold rather than her husband, while for many, familiarity had bred ennui.

As relationship guru Esther Perel tirelessly points out, we demand too much of our other halves in modern life, requiring them to be best friends, soul mates, co-parents and red-hot lovers, while maintaining erotic mystique. Back here on Planet Reality the only people regularly getting gettin their rocks off seem to be the secondtime-newlywed and secret lovers.

The evidence isn’t just anecdotal. The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles has been quizzing Brits about intimacy since 1990. Its 2010-12 survey recorded a distinct downturn in the frequency of lovemaking – leading to jokes about bromide in the water. Either way, the dearth seems so pervasive you can’t help feel it warrants its own hashtag. I suggest #NeitherAmI.

So what’s going on? It’s hard to ignore the fact we have no clear divide between our public and private space, taking tablets and smartphones to bed – allowing our attention to wander off to social media alerts. Netflix is another culprit. I can’t be the only person who often finds themselves opting for another episode of The

Crown, rather than an early, sexy night.

Our generation had children later, and if you’re not still drained by kids, chances are you’ll have an ageing parent or two to fret about. Add to all this the pressures of the working day, which rudely intrudes well beyond the nine-to-five and suddenly couples are composing emails in bed – nobody’s idea of great foreplay.

This all makes for such a stressful life that some reach for booze, others antidepressants – both known culprits in depleted libido.

Good sex requires time, energy, enthusiasm and opportunity, and currently we channel those limited commodities everywhere but under the duvet.