I’m a Celeb vs Strictly: who will star in your living room?
Forget Brexit, it’s time to pick between the Aussie jungle or the Blackpool ballroom, says Guy Kelly
Rats fleeing, infighting, impossible tasks watched from between fingers… it’s been a long week of Brexit in Westminster, but mercifully, tonight we can return to the relative calm of the jungle, as I’m a Celebrity… Get Me
Out of Here! launches its 18th series with a new presenter, a new galaxy of stars (loose term), and new trials.
Or will you still tune in to the BBC, where a controversy-filled Strictly
Come Dancing is quick-stepping past Blackpool and into the home straight? After all, it’s had enough drama and spats to make The Only Way Is Essex look like Gardeners’ Question Time.
So, a victory for the great unwashed in Oz? Or will preening, choreographed elites get their way? No, that wasn’t another Brexit metaphor – it’s I’m a Celebrity versus Strictly Come Dancing.
Camp action
Two different kinds of camp, both equally entertaining. Strictly is at the point where those left are quite good, which makes it even more enriching. Fans have seen the likes of Joe Sugg, Stacey Dooley and Kate Silverton go from amateur dancers to very good ones, and Ashley Roberts and Faye Tozer go from semi-trained dancers to, well, semi-trained dancers. And the judges are still as catty as ever.
I’m a Celebrity, on the other hand, should be tremendous fun, if the eclectic – and curiously long in the tooth – band of semi-famous people being airdropped into the jungle is anything to go by. Who doesn’t want to see Harry Redknapp in a coffin full with maggots, asking how he ended up there and not as England manager? And who can honestly say they aren’t curious to know if Nick Knowles will charm The Chase’s Anne Hegerty? Down under comes out on top. Score 1-0
Potential for scandal
Any other year, this would be an easy Aussie win. I’m a Celebrity has given us Gemma Collins leaving claiming she had malaria (she didn’t); Fatima Whitbread with a cockroach up her nose and Natalie Appleton needing oxygen for being scared of trees.
But this has been no normal year for Strictly. Thanks to Seann Walsh, it appeared on the front page of almost every newspaper, as the infamous “curse” struck harder than ever. Add to that claims of a fix and a bullying row and, well, it’s impossible to top.
I’m a Celebrity once showed Biggins waking up next to a hairy rat.
Strictly showed Katya Jones kissing a hairy love rat. A win for Auntie. Tens for all. Score 1-1
Play along at home
It’s difficult to buy witchetty grubs in the UK, even at Whole Foods, but playing I’m a Celebrity at home is possible. Buy a navy T-shirt, red combat trousers, khaki shirt, hat and scarlet fleece; make a hammock from a sheet and sleep in the garden; shower in a canal in an impractical bikini; and eat beans and rice from metal trays. Easy.
Strictly, though? That’s more effort. Nobody can be bothered with all that exercise every week and learn all those steps. Nobody has the time or energy to have an affair with someone much fitter than them. Nobody wants to sew sequins on to a leotard. Do they even eat? We never see them eat. A star for the jungle. They could do with one, after all. Score 2-1
Hosts with the most
For years, we watched Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly form an impenetrable partnership on Strictly. Then came Claudia Winkleman, and her fringe, and now Daly’s encouragement is perfectly offset by Winkleman’s cackling sarcasm.
Over on ITV, we could normally say the same about Ant and Dec – the kings of live prime-time television – but instead it’s all change. This year, it’s Holly and Dec. Or Dec and Holly. Or even Dolly and Hec. Holly is filling in for Ant, who’s taking time off after his difficult summer. She’s confirmed that she will stand on the left (thank God, otherwise we’d have no idea who was who) to make things normal, but will they have the chemistry needed to make John Barrowman having the runs fun, rather than horrifying? The jury is still out, meaning Strictly has it. Fab-u-laaaaahs. Score 2-2
Enrichment value
With all that’s going on, numbing yourself with a nightly, or hourly, hit of reality TV is reasonable. But like Coca-Cola versus Diet Coke, one may be slightly less harmful than the other. On Strictly, music, art, skill and improvement are celebrated. There’s Graeme Swann’s antics and Bruno’s aneurysms. There’s absolutely no n chance your phobias could c be triggered, unless you’re y scared of Lycra, or (understandably) Anton Du Beke. But I’m a Celebrity is a different kettle of fish. In fact, they could easily make somebody eat a kettle of fish, for all we know. It’s unpredictable and it’s often disgusting, but it does also have breaks in which you can grab a relaxing cuppa. That’ll do it. Gold star. FinalF score: 3-2 tot I’m a Celebrity