Why macho Father’s Day messages get it all wrong

I’m all for taking a day to appreciate fathers and, of course, I wish the nation’s dads well today. But amid all the steak-munching, back-slappery, game-playing and sport-watching, I want to add a caveat. And that is: as great as a good father can be, as instrumental to a child’s happiness, it’s still mothers who bear the true burden of parenthood.

It’s mothers who hustle hardest; mothers who take the calls from the school when the child is ill; who put family first over work; who struggle to combine the pressures of a career with those of organising childcare.

This was certainly the case when I was growing up, and it appears to remain roughly so today, judging by the examples of my peers. That’s not to say that fatherhood’s brief hasn’t substantially widened in the past few decades – my dad friends do the dishes without being asked; put the children to bed on a regular basis; and take an active role in child-rearing in general.

But gender roles die hard. Just look at the way Father’s Day has been marketed in terms of food. Mother’s Day is all about “healthy teas” and spa retreats; Father’s Day seems to be all about heart-attackinducing quantities of red meat.

Marks & Spencer is selling a 1kg “Daddy of all Burgers”, while Toby Carvery’s offering includes a free king-size carvery for fathers. The Hungry Horse pub chain is doffing its cap to paternity with the Quadzilla Burger Challenge – two beef burgers and two battered chicken fillets, smoked streaky bacon and cheese, nacho cheese sauce, onion rings, fries and a free drink.

Thankfully, fatherhood has evolved into more than a macho role inhabited by distant or terrifying men who subsist on a diet of flesh and beer.

But, as our nation’s food outlets show, we’re a long way from escaping traditional expectations.