How one man used LSD to beat depression
Diagnosed with clinical depression in 2013, Dan Dalton struggled until he found an unlikely ‘cure’
It’s a sunny March morning in 2017 and I’ve just taken my first microdose of LSD: a tenth of a tab. The effect is subtle. After an hour, colours seem richer, edges more defined. It’s like looking at the world in HD after a lifetime in low resolution. I feel calm and present. Optimistic, even. Small stressors are easier to shake off. At dinner that night I feel personable and engaged, good humoured, fun. My date, a long-term friend, notes my mood. You seem lighter, she says. And I do. I’m 34 years old and, for the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful about my mental health.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2013, aged 30. I’d been suffering undiagnosed since adolescence, but it wasn’t until my marriage broke down that I sought help from my GP. Over the next few months I tried several different antidepressants. The effects weren’t ideal. I felt numb, like someone had hit the mute button. I lost my libido, and felt overly fatigued and irritable.
I couldn’t concentrate on reading or writing. And I was still depressed. At least one medication worsened my depression dramatically. After nine months I made the decision to come off them altogether.
I had much more success with therapy. I learned strategies for coping, and was better able to manage my moods. But I was still prone to depressive episodes, and when unforeseen events upset my equilibrium, I found myself tumbling into the depths with little recourse.
I began to look for other ways to help manage my brain. A few months later, a book landed on my desk – a pre-publication copy of A Really Good Day by Ayelet Waldman, a diary of the author’s self-experimentation with LSD as a treatment for her mental and physical health.
It was the first time I’d read about microdosing, the practice of taking small, regular doses of LSD to access its holistic properties without tripping or hallucinating. Along with documenting her own experiences, Waldman gave anecdotal evidence from long-term users of the drug, and an overview of the available research. It was a revelation.
A few weeks later, a friend of a friend told me he had some LSD and was willing to give me four tabs. I found websites that explained how to prepare them, and Waldman’s book had mentioned that LSD testing kits were readily available on Amazon, to check it was what it said it was. With that confirmed, I was ready to go.
For the next two months I took a microdose – 10 micrograms of blotter acid diluted in sterile water and administered orally via a dropper – every three days; 20 in all.
The doses were so small I barely noticed them. If I had to define the sensation, I’d say I felt calmer, more present. Positivity was easier to come by, and I was less prone to depressive spirals. Over those two months, and for months after, I had no depressive episodes at all. It was as if my brain had rewired itself.
In recent years, psychedelics have reached something of a cultural tipping point. LSD has become the supplement du jour among the tech elite of Silicon Valley, sought out by billionaire founders and lowly coders alike for its perceived boost in productivity.
LSD is also one of several psychedelic drugs, including magic mushrooms (aka psilocybin), MDMA and DMT, currently enjoying renewed scientific interest for their purported beneficial effects. In 2016, a joint study by Johns Hopkins University and New York University showed psilocybin had a positive effect on depression, anxiety and fear of death in cancer patients. Other studies have measured the effects of LSD and psilocybin on addiction and trauma.
Last September, Imperial began the first placebo-controlled trial of LSD microdosing. That study is ongoing, but in a paper published in the scientific journal eLife last October, researchers from Yale University and the University of Zurich discovered exactly how LSD works in the brain: stimulating a particular serotonin receptor involved in regulating mood and cognition; a key step in the development of potential therapies.
At the end of last year, I microdosed LSD for a further 60 days. Six months after my last dose, I still feel the positive effects: calm, clear and present. Science might not be able to tell me exactly how, or why. Not yet. But I know how I feel.
I’m not touting LSD as a wonder cure. I still have my ups and downs. But that’s the point. After 20 years of chronic depression, feeling is more than enough.
For the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful about my mental health