Humphrys’ outdated views betray men’s sense of parenting loss
John Humphrys leaves the Radio 4 Today programme this autumn. He will not sign off, however, without a last gasp of what I call his soft – his gently oblivious – misogyny. He is not a monster, of course. He is civilised, educated, refined – but, ah, he is grumpy.
Almost nothing he seems to think about women is relevant now. He is 75, born in an age when women were rarely invited into the national conversation: and it shows. He has been in the company of powerful men for too long: that shows, too. He once asked me, on air, whether I make enough effort with my appearance. I don’t – but what is that to him?
This week, he did an item about an advert for Philadelphia cheese, which was banned after 128 complaints. The advert showed “new dads” looking after babies, and placing them in danger by being too interested in Philadelphia cheese – which seems unlikely, but we are talking about advertising. He oraculated at an unfortunate woman from the Advertising Standards Agency: “A woman looking after a baby is, by any estimate, a very, very good and desirable thing for society.” That’s not too bad. Then this: “Maybe I will be attacked for this. You [women] do a better job at it than men. At least in most of our experience, I would have thought.” The interesting phrase there is “in most of our experience”. He
means in his experience, and in that tossed-away phrase – he has three children – I saw loss. Others will see entitlement.
The nonsense that fathers cannot be committed and tender parents to babies – that men cannot do it better than women – is just that: nonsense. I watch modern fathers, my own husband, for instance, act like “conventional” mothers to their babies. They are filled with patience, curiosity and love. That women do it better is a devious compliment designed to protect men from having to do something they might consider dull. It is the same with housework; as men plead ignorance women do it, as if it is a spiritual experience only they get to have.
I once asked my husband to wash the floor. Moments later, he was clutching a bloody toenail and bellowing, as blood leaked from his foot. It is an insidious myth that men cannot wash floors. He believes it; he shed blood for it. It is the same for childcare.
This is a tragedy for thwarted women hungry to work outside of the home; for men who want to be full-time carers but feel mocked; for men who miss out on that wonderful intimacy; for children. A treasured memory of my son’s babyhood was watching his great-uncle give him his bottle. Men built a civilisation; they are quite capable of cherishing babies.