Healthy junk food is what the customer wants

I’ll never forget the moment Dunkin Donuts, my favourite American fastfood chain, introduced calorie counts. I love doughnuts. I love them because they are tasty in the way that only junk food can be; and I enjoy them in the only real way to enjoy junk food: blissful denial about exactly what I’m eating, and what the damage will be later.

When Dunkin added calorie counts, I felt betrayed – the game that all indulgers in junk food play, a tacit agreement between guilt and pleasure, and a promise to be better in future, was destroyed at a stroke. Ever since that horrible, banal reminder appeared on a little plastic square telling me my favourite chocolate honey-dipped rings are 420 calories, my pleasure has been diminished.

But not very severely. Because like all lovers of a particular sin item, nothing will stop me. Nothing, that is, except a change in the nature of the product itself. Which is exactly what KFC found when it tried to become a healthy choice, the chain has revealed.

The fried chicken firm – beloved of, well, everyone – spent £8million installing ovens to bake or grill rather than fry in an attempt at encouraging healthy eating. But three new items – the Brazer grilled chicken sandwich in 2011, the Rancher sandwich in 2012 and pulled chicken in 2015 – all went down like a lead, erm, bird. KFC ended up scrapping them and returning to its core product: sin.

Crackling, oozing grease is what customers want – not lectures on being healthy. When lovers of the odd and cheeky fast food treat want a salad, we’ll have one, thanks.