There’s no loss quite like that of a dog – farewell, dear Bella
As her labrador’s ashes are scattered at Highclere, Lady Carnarvon wonders if there’s room for another
Iwill soon have one more reason to wander down to the old pets graveyard at Highclere. Last month, my beloved Bella died at the age of nearly 14 and I intend to scatter her ashes in this small, quiet corner of the estate marked by a little Etruscan temple, where centuries of Carnarvon dogs, including Bella’s father Percy, have found peace. In time, perhaps I will put up a small stone with her name on it to go with the other tombstones, or maybe plant a tree.
It is the least I can do for Bella, who has been one of the most loving companions one could hope for. For more than a decade I looked into those beautiful, intelligent eyes whenever I needed to. We always had an unspoken communication. And now she’s gone, a victim to old age, yet having had a good innings compared to many dogs.
As we all know, there is no loss quite like that of a pet. They are part of our families and when we lose them they leave a hole like no other. Yet, once you have felt that remarkable connection, it’s hard to imagine not getting another.
Growing up, my husband and I always had cocker spaniels, so it was unquestioned that when we married, there would be dogs at home. But I don’t know if he expected to have eight tails wagging their way around the castle.
There are the labradors: Scoobie and Alfie, who were two of Bella’s litter of 10 – the effort of which turned her yellow coat white overnight – plus Stella and Freya, Bella’s granddaughters.
The cocker spaniels make themselves felt, too, with their sheer exuberance: there is Rosie – oldest and wisest, but still as passionate about life as ever – her “children” Winston and Clementine and her granddaughter Evie.
It’s hard to tell if they know Bella has gone – of all the dogs, she was the one who most consistently slept in our bedroom. But they are a reminder that life, and we, go on.
They don’t have free rein at Highclere – I would hate visitors to be put off by dogs rushing around. Labradors are so loving, they can’t resist saying hello, and Alfie in particular likes to find a spot under the tables and chairs where people may have been having tea, so he can ensure all the crumbs are cleared up. Even saintly Bella was known to have a quick lick of an ice cream if its owner held the cone at the wrong angle.
One of the highlights of the year is the annual puppy party in September, to celebrate Bella’s pups, who all live locally. The dogs all eat the cake that’s been made for the humans. My husband thinks I am completely mad.
Luckily, one of my greatest girlfriends, Karine, shares my passion. She has one of Bella’s pups, Finse, and together we wrote a series of children’s books for charity about them, so I like to think that Bella will still be part of many people’s worlds, not just ours.
She was also, in her own way, part of Downton Abbey. Although she never appeared next to the theatrical dogs – Pharaoh and Isis, played by Roly, Ellie and Abbie – we’d often stop to watch a bit of filming in the afternoons in the saloon, and the cast and crew would stop to give her a tickle and a pat. Unfortunately, as anyone who has owned a lab knows, that would soon lead to Bella’s tail thumping the floorboards in appreciation – we’d have to hold it to stop its noise making it on to the final soundtrack.
When that lovely tail could no longer wag, I think I knew it was time to let go. Labradors tend to follow a pattern if they make old age: the ability to walk goes, then the spine is affected, the tail doesn’t work and even if we lifted her up she could hardly stand. That’s the point of no return – an awful moment to reach.
Yet grieving for our pets is part of loving them. I miss Bella most in these drawn-in evenings, the way she would lie in front of me, that look of recognition and affection at the end of the day. I’m left to wonder if there might be space for another labrador in our lives. Can you have too many dogs? My husband might well say yes. But I’m not so sure.
As told to Victoria Lambert
The cast and crew of ‘Downton Abbey’ would stop to give her a tickle and a pat