Parlez-vous corona? Brush up your ‘lockdown lingo’…
Michael Hogan translates the Covid colloquialisms that have crept into our everyday language
We’ve all learnt a lot during lockdown. We’ve discovered even more of our loved ones’ annoying little habits. Our wonky DIY fringes and home-schooling stress levels have inspired newfound respect for hairdressers and teachers. We’ve realised that we’ll never make sourdough again because it’s just too much faff when bread is widely available at these things called “shops”. We’ve also found that this much handwashing returns wizened lizard claws. Britain’s Got Talons, anyone?
Yes, the Covid-19 crisis has transformed our lives forever. It has even changed the way we speak. Language has always evolved but during this strange time of upheaval, neologisms are arriving faster than spam emails from online retailers.
So are you au fait with the latest lockdown lingo? Parlez-vous pandemic slang? Swot up with our selection of 27 coronavirus colloquialisms:
Coronacoaster: The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.
Quarantinis: Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random items you have left in the house. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry? Yum. These are sipped at “locktail hour”, ie, wine o’clock in lockdown, which seems to be creeping earlier with each week.
Blue Skype thinking: A work brainstorming session over a videoconferencing app. Such meetings might also be termed a “Zoomposium”.
Le Creuset wrist: It’s the new “avocado hand” – an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the Clap For Carers.
Coronnials: As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine. They might yet become known as “Generation C”.
Furlough Merlot: Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.
Miley/Billy Ray: Rhyming slang for coronavirus, as in popstrel Miley Cyrus or her country crooner father, Billy Ray. Sample usage: “I’m suffering with a touch of the Mileys” or “I’m achy breaky and displaying Billy Ray symptoms”. Which one you use is a useful indicator of your age. Claphazard: Someone so enthusiastic about saluting our care workers that they start hugging their neighbours and high-fiving passing pedestrians. The elephant in the Zoom: The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. Eg, one participant has suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background. Coronadose: An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media. Can result in a “panicdemic”. Getting on your Wicks:
Vexing noises from neighbours doing their daily workout with Body Coach Joe Wicks. Doughverkill: One’s social media feed being dominated by smug photos of homemade sourdough or banana bread. Quentin Quarantino: An attentionseeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are. Covidiot: One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Space invader:
Someone who routinely comes closer to you than the recommended two metres and who you’d like to zap, like in an arcade game. Goutbreak: The fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles will soon be swelling up like a medieval king’s. Caught between a shop and a hoard
place: The dilemma of needing to purchase basics but not wanting to be accused of stockpiling.
Zumping: The recent phenomenon of ending a romantic relationship via video call. Depending on the platform used, it can also be known as “FaceTumped” or “Housepumped”.
Anti-social distancing: Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating.
Dinfluencer: Someone so proud of their newfound cooking ability that they artfully photograph every supper to boast on social media.
Quaranteam: The people and/or pets you’re in lockdown with are your “quaranteam”. This era’s equivalent of #squadgoals. Coughing dodger: Someone so alarmed by an innocuous throat-clear that they back away in terror. Tandemic: A sun-kissed glow acquired from sitting in one’s garden or (gasp!) flouting the rules on park sunbathing.
Mask-ara: Extra make-up applied to “make one’s eyes pop” before venturing out in a face mask. Doom ’n’ Zoom:
The feeling spread by the most miserable or pessimistic participant in a videoconference, aka the “Zoommonger” or “lockdowner”.
Co-runner virus: An infection potentially spread by selfish fitness fanatics jogging two abreast. Covid-10: The 10lb in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve”.