England rugby star: marriage is best for all
ENGLAND rugby star Courtney Lawes today calls on the Government to incentivise marriage, as a new report reveals cohabiting couples are four times more likely to separate.
Writing in The Sunday Telegraph, the 31-year-old lock insists: “A stable family means one where the parents are married.” Lawes, who plays on the second row for Northampton where he was brought up by his father Linford and Valerie, his English mother, spoke out to coincide with the publication of a report by the Centre for Social Justice think tank, warning that family instability is one of the leading causes for negative outcomes for children.
He reveals his own half-brother did not enjoy the stable upbringing he did, and ended up in jail – and questions if his life might have been different had he “grown up in a stable home”.
He said: “My dad tried to be there for him as much as he could be. But unfortunately that didn’t prevent my brother from adopting a bad lifestyle – drugs and criminality that eventually ended in prison. I’m forced to ask the question of how his life might have been different if he had grown up in a stable home.” The sibling is now “doing great for himself and raising a son of his own”. Family Structure Still Matters,
written by Cristina Odone, the former Catholic Herald editor, for the Centre for Social Justice, found cohabiting couples are four times more likely to split up, while 70 per cent of young offenders come from families where parents have separated.
Lockdown had its challenges. It was full on but rewarding. I am usually away a fair bit playing rugby, but here was an opportunity to spend four months with the family.
There were the ball games in the garden. And the endless bedtime stories.
But above all there was a lesson for me: that a stable and loving family can provide a buffer against the most anxious moments.
I said “stable” family. What does that mean in 2020? It still means a family where the parents are married.
When I suggested it might be a good idea for parents to be married before having kids, I triggered a social media storm. A paper published this weekend by the Centre for Social Justice (CSJ) reveals how the Government treats cohabiting and married couples as the same.
And yet, as the CSJ finds, there is a huge difference between marriage and cohabitation. Cohabiting couples are four times more likely to split up, and 70 per cent of young offenders come from families where parents have separated.
Children whose parents are married are less likely to be excluded from school, less likely to become addicted to alcohol or drugs, less likely to join a gang, and less likely to end up in jail.
What makes these stats a burning injustice is that high earners still tie the knot – 83 per cent marry; but among the poorest, marriage is a minority activity, with only 45 per cent marrying.
When I was growing up, my mum, a prison officer, worked during the day. My dad, a bouncer, was the one who I remember always being around. He was my role model: relaxed, but I knew never to break rules and always talk to him and my mum with respect. I never needed to look up to anyone outside our family for inspiration.
But while dad invested so much time in me, driving me up and down the country so I could play rugby, that was not the case for my older halfbrother, my dad’s son from an earlier relationship, which broke down.
My dad tried to be there for him as much as he could be. But unfortunately that didn’t prevent my brother from adopting a bad lifestyle – drugs and criminality – that eventually ended in prison. I’m very thankful that he is out now and doing great for himself and raising a son of his own, but I’m forced to ask the question of how his life might have been different if he had grown up in a stable home.
This was not an exceptional story in our community: almost one in five Afro-Caribbean fathers does not raise his children.
How do we help counter this trend? Maybe the answer is marriage. Getting married should mean you are making a public commitment to stay together.
Yet today so many young people seem reluctant to marry. Unmarried parents have doubtless inspired a generation who do not know what marriage means.
There is also always the fear of a potential messy divorce – though if you’ve decided you want a child with someone and marry them, then you have decided you want to spend your life with that person.
Finally, there is that slide into cohabitation – out of convenience or financial pressures or sometimes both. In rugby, every win is down to total commitment. You cannot “slide” into a game, you must be prepared to invest time and energy, you must sacrifice to play your best. Above all, you need a strategy.
I would advise my children – and other young people – to do the same in life.
Choose the strategy that has been shown to deliver the best outcomes. Maybe ministers do not want to be seen to undermine lone parents and the spouse who has the courage to walk away from an abusive relationship or cohabitees who intentionally choose that lifestyle. But by blurring two different family structures into one, they are keeping our children from making an informed decision.