Dou­ble trou­ble

THE (Times Higher Education) - - THE POPPLETONIAN -

We re­gret to re­port the sad loss of one of our se­nior aca­demics.

Ac­cord­ing to a po­lice spokesper­son, Pro­fes­sor D. K. Mun­dayne, the head of our depart­ment of so­cial psy­chol­ogy, was found ly­ing in a pool of blood in his tu­to­rial of­fice early yes­ter­day morn­ing.

Fears that this might be a dou­ble-mark­ing tragedy have been re­in­forced by re­ports from a stu­dent who was pass­ing the door of Pro­fes­sor Mun­dayne’s of­fice and heard what sounded like a vig­or­ous ar­gu­ment.

The voices were in­dis­tinct, but the stu­dent claimed to have heard Pro­fes­sor Mun­dayne com­plain­ing about his col­league’s mark­ing. She re­called two of his more ag­gres­sive re­marks: “If that’s a 2:1, then I’m Martin Hei­deg­ger” and “You’ve al­ready raised three dead-in-the­wa­ter lower sec­onds. Who’s next, Lazarus?”

In the wake of the tragedy, Pop­ple­ton’s Di­rec­tor of Cor­po­rate Af­fairs, Jamie Tar­gett, is­sued the fol­low­ing state­ment: “Al­though we ob­vi­ously re­gret the day­light mur­der of any aca­demic col­league, it does seem that in this case Pro­fes­sor Mun­dayne might have been il­lad­vis­edly at­tempt­ing to turn back the as­sess­ment clock. If fur­ther tragedies are to be avoided, it’s es­sen­tial that all fi­nals mark­ers re­mem­ber the cur­rent aca­demic guid­ance from our vicechan­cel­lor: ‘Al­though ex­am­i­na­tion stan­dards are crit­i­cally im­por­tant, they should never be al­lowed to sub­vert our ped­a­gogic need to award more first-class de­grees that any other com­pa­ra­ble third-class uni­ver­sity.’” ( Pro­fes­sor Mun­dayne is sur­vived by a wife, two chil­dren, and a healthy set of sub­mis­sions to the next re­search ex­cel­lence frame­work .)

When rec­on­cil­i­a­tion goes wrong

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