We regret to report the sad loss of one of our senior academics.
According to a police spokesperson, Professor D. K. Mundayne, the head of our department of social psychology, was found lying in a pool of blood in his tutorial office early yesterday morning.
Fears that this might be a double-marking tragedy have been reinforced by reports from a student who was passing the door of Professor Mundayne’s office and heard what sounded like a vigorous argument.
The voices were indistinct, but the student claimed to have heard Professor Mundayne complaining about his colleague’s marking. She recalled two of his more aggressive remarks: “If that’s a 2:1, then I’m Martin Heidegger” and “You’ve already raised three dead-in-thewater lower seconds. Who’s next, Lazarus?”
In the wake of the tragedy, Poppleton’s Director of Corporate Affairs, Jamie Targett, issued the following statement: “Although we obviously regret the daylight murder of any academic colleague, it does seem that in this case Professor Mundayne might have been illadvisedly attempting to turn back the assessment clock. If further tragedies are to be avoided, it’s essential that all finals markers remember the current academic guidance from our vicechancellor: ‘Although examination standards are critically important, they should never be allowed to subvert our pedagogic need to award more first-class degrees that any other comparable third-class university.’” ( Professor Mundayne is survived by a wife, two children, and a healthy set of submissions to the next research excellence framework .)
When reconciliation goes wrong