Dealing with disappointment
Not always getting what you want can make you stronger.
Do you ever get a sinking feeling when things don’t go your way? Nobody likes to be disappointed but the experience can help you learn more about yourself – and even lead to new opportunities.
What is disappointment?
Disappointment is how you feel when things go wrong. It’s a sadness that fills the space between what you want to happen and how things turn out. You can be disappointed about things you have the power to change, like failing a test or missing something because you’re late. You can also feel disappointed about something that’s out of your control – for example, when a trip gets cancelled because of bad weather. “On holiday, I really wanted to go to the skate park but it was raining,” says The Week Junior reader Annie, age 11. “I was sad, but
I’m hoping to go next time.”
Can disappointment be good for me?
Nobody likes feeling disappointed but sometimes it can be good for you. Not always getting what you want helps you become more resilient (able to overcome challenges) and try harder next time. It can also help you understand your feelings better, because being disappointed shows that you care about something. Wellbeing campaigner Dr Radha Modgil says, “With every disappointment comes opportunity.” For example, if you don’t get a part in the school play and end up helping behind the scenes, you may discover a passion for costume design instead. “Maybe this disappointment can open up something even better for you,” she says.
How can I deal with disappointment?
“Don’t bottle up how you’re feeling,” says Laverne Antrobus, who is a child psychologist (an expert in thoughts and feelings). “Talk to friends and family, because sad and angry feelings can be easier to manage when you talk about them.” Thinking about happy moments can help, she explains, and if you’ve missed out on something like a school trip, try planning an activity with your friends another time. When you’re disappointed it might feel like the worst thing in the world, but remember that it will get better in time.