Learning to let go
Finding a way to forgive helps you leave bad feelings behind.
Everyone makes mistakes but if someone has hurt you it can be hard to forgive them and move on. Letting go of bad feelings helps you focus on your own happiness instead.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness means choosing to let go of anger towards a person or group of people who have hurt you. Say someone has behaved badly towards you, for example, by being mean or breaking your favourite game, forgiving them means deciding to let go of angry thoughts and move on. Author and forgiveness expert Fred Luskin says that forgiving someone doesn’t mean forgetting or making excuses for what they’ve done. You don’t need an apology to forgive and you don’t have to make up with them. It involves finding the strength and courage to leave bad feelings behind and focus on yourself instead. As well as forgiving others, you can also learn to forgive yourself.
How does it benefit me?
Holding a grudge means holding on to hurt and anger, which isn’t good for you. Scientists say letting go of these feelings makes you feel calmer, less stressed and can strengthen your immune system (how your body fights off illnesses). Learning to forgive involves trying to understand someone else’s actions and putting yourself in their shoes. This is a good way to practise empathy (imagining someone else’s feelings) and helps you to connect more closely with others.
Can I learn to let go?
We can all learn to forgive but some find it easier than others. Luskin suggests focusing on how you feel. Instead of telling yourself something doesn’t matter, try putting your feelings into words. You can do this by writing them down (see panel) or talking to someone you trust. Don’t expect your happiness to come from other people; find ways to make yourself happy instead, such as focusing on a new sport or hobby. Finally, don’t waste time thinking about what someone else has said or done. “Put more energy into appreciating what you have,” Luskin says. “Learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you.”