IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

A drug user who was dissatisfied with the crystal meth he’d just purchased decided to go to the police. Fearing a rip-off, 49-year-old Douglas Kelly took his foilwrapped drugs to his local sheriff’s office in Florida and asked for them to be analysed. The test came back positive for methamphetamine – which led to a negative result for Kelly, who was arrested. “Remember, our detectives are always ready to assist anyone who believes they were misled in their illegal drug purchase,” said the police on Facebook.

An American cop who pulled over a motorist for a minor traffic violation discovered that the man behind the wheel was the stranger who had delivered him as a baby. When Matthew Bailly handed over his licence, the state trooper, Michael Patterson, noticed that he was a retired cop and that he came from his own home town. Patterson explained where he’d grown up, to which Bailly replied that 26 years earlier, he had gone to that address in response to a 911 call about a woman in labour – and had ended up delivering her baby. “That was me!” the trooper exclaimed.

Kim Jong Un took no chances when he made his rare trip abroad last week. Not only did he transport his own food, drink and bulletproof limo to Singapore for his meeting with Donald Trump, he even packed his own portable toilet. According to reports in the South Korean press, the North Koreans were anxious to “deny determined sewer divers insights into the supreme leader’s stools”.