IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

A stone circle estimated to be 4,500 years old caused huge excitement when it was found in Aberdeenshire in December. The county council called it an “amazing” discovery; Historic Environment Scotland said its “rich lichen cover” was proof “of the ring’s antiquity”. But research into it has now come to an abrupt halt: the former owner of the land has called to explain that it was he who built the circle 20 years ago. “It’s disappointing to learn of this development,” said the council, “but it adds an interesting element to its story.” The Isle of Wight has acquired its own superhero: an anonymous masked man called the Wight Knight who has been seen patrolling the island looking for troublemakers. It turns out he’s the UK’S first member of the Justice Alliance, a “superhero themed neighbourhood watch” founded in the US. However, the Knight’s valour has yet to be tested. “Went on patrol in town of Ventnor,” reads a recent entry in his log. “Spoke to several people, including one lovely couple who took a photo of me, and handed out four information cards.”

A distressed resident of Fareham, Hampshire, called firefighters to rescue a cat stuck in a tree… along with his wife. Maria Parry had borrowed a cat basket from a neighbour and climbed up to save her pet, only to find herself unable to get down again. “To my horror, 45 minutes later I saw the basket still on the ground,” said the neighbour. “Where’s the cat? Up the tree. Where’s the lady? Up the tree.”