IT MUST BE TRUE… I read it in the tabloids

A Liverpool University student has revealed that he lost both of his nipples after spraying two cans of Lynx deodorant on them for a dare. The unnamed student was 15 when an entire can was sprayed over each exposed nipple, before his friend “flicked them off”. He’s now 19, and his nipples haven’t grown back. But he doesn’t regret it, since he “accepted the dare”. “It’s stupid, it happened,” he reflected. “Now I’ve got no nipples.” The Guinness World Record for “the most spoons balanced on the body” has been broken. Abolfazl Saber Mokhtari, 50, from Karaj in Iran, said he’d honed his skill with “years of practice and effort” in order to balance a total of 85 spoons (the previous record was 64). “I feel so happy and proud right now,” he said. “I encourage everyone to keep chasing their dreams.”

The annual Dorset Knob Throwing contest has been cancelled because it has simply become too popular. Organisers said the event, in which people hurl traditional knob biscuits down a field, had attracted 8,000 people to the village of Cattistock in 2019, and “reached such a size that it cannot be run by a small village committee”.

Londoner Freddie Beckitt earns up £160 per day – as a “professional queuer” for wealthy clients. Beckitt, who is also a writer, advertises his services online, and tackles long queues for popular events on behalf of the cash rich but time poor. “It doesn’t require any skill or hard work,” he explained. “But it gives me lots of flexibility to earn, and I can fit it around my writing schedule.”