IT MUST BE TRUE…

I read it in the tabloids

Chinese police say they have “successfully trained” six squirrels to sniff out drugs. The Eurasian red squirrels have “a rather keen sense of smell” and have an advantage over drug-sniffing dogs, due to the fact that they can squeeze through nooks and crannies and into tight spaces, said narcotics squad trainer Yin Jin. In training so far, the squirrels have done an “excellent job” of detecting drugs inside packages, Yin said, but added that the entire process had required “the patience for a flower to bloom”.

British archaeologists believe that they may have found the only existing Roman dildo. The six-inch smoothed piece of wood was catalogued incorrectly as a “darning tool” when it was originally discovered in 1992 at the Roman fort of Vindolanda in Northumberland. Dr Rob Collins of Newcastle University suggested that it may have been described as such by somebody who was “uncomfortable with it”.

The annual Atherstone Ball Game took place in the Warwickshire market town on Shrove Tuesday. This game of “medieval football” involves hundreds of (mainly) men brawling for possession of a large ball. There are few rules, two being that play is restricted to Long Street (which is boarded up in preparation) and participants are not allowed to kill anyone. A large ball dedicated to King Charles was thrown from the upstairs balcony of the Conservative Club at 3pm. The game concluded with a melee, and brutal fisticuffs, by the William Hill bookies at 5pm. As tradition dictates, the winner – Kieran Marshall – got to take the ball home.