‘AN EAGLE AND EQUALITY... MY HOPES FOR 2023’
By the time you read this, dear reader, it will be the middle of January, but I won’t let that stop me from wishing each and every one of you a very happy and prosperous new year! Because if I am allowed to dole out HNYS this far into the month, I’m also allowed to focus this month’s column on a few of my New Year’s resolutions.
I mean, I say ‘resolutions’, but I think ‘my hopes, dreams and aspirations for 2023 might be a more accurate description. Because what follows below are a few of the things I would dearly love to see unfold over the next 12 months.
They’re in no particular order, but we might as well begin with the most pressing request of all…
Can I please never again hear the words ‘LIV Golf’ in my life?
Yes, buoyed by a huge rise in popularity during lockdown, golf’s governing bodies did what governing bodies always do and managed to completely balls up capitalising on it by allowing the shadow of LIV to baffle, enrage and exclude the majority of golfers from the conversation. Good show, guys!
To be totally honest, after wasting so much time reading about it, having the shine knocked off all the Majors last year and deciding that both sides have varying degrees of hypocrisy knocking about, I would happily never hear the letters ‘L’, ‘I’ and ‘V’ uttered again in that order in my entire life. Please can the governing bodies just sort it out so we can get on with our lives?
I hope LI... it just dies a swift death, rather than it withering painfully on the vine, but if it has to plod on, being streamed on a variety of services no one’s ever heard of, fine. Please just stop going on about the bloody thing all the sodding time.
Can I have just one eagle in 2023? I’ve never had an eagle. I’ve never chipped in on a par 5. I’ve never seen an approach on a par 4 disappear after a helpful bounce. And I’ve never slam dunked on a par 3. If I can be really picky, I’m hoping I can have one of the first two options, thus saving me from the bar bill, but you’d have thought that in more than 300 rounds of golf I might have fluked just the one eagle already. Nope. Nada. Nothing.
Come on, you Golfing Gods, let me just bag the big bird!
Can I please learn more about the experience of women’s club golf?
OK, so this is one I need to take full responsibility for, and I would be very happy to do so this year. I’ve been so delighted with the amount of correspondence we’ve had in from women golfers on Beef ’s Golf Club podcast over the past few months. I’m also fascinated by their experience of their local clubs, and somewhat ashamed about how male-centric my golfing life has been up to this point.
Some of the petty barriers women still face are utterly ludicrous. I didn’t realise that in most places, women aren’t allowed to compete from the competition tees, or even the regular tees! In 2023?!
It’s insane that a woman playing off scratch can’t choose where she plays from, but a male duffer can hit their 150-yard drives from the whites.
England Golf have a big opportunity to address this madness in 2023, and a lot of clubs have a big opportunity to have their memberships enriched by being just that bit more inclusive.
Can I please play a ‘proper course’ from the back tees?
I would absolutely love to play an absolute belter of a course from the back tees. Beef said that he’d like to see me tee it up on a US Open course the week before they play – erm, sign me up!
I know it would be an absolute mauling. I know my drives could end up well short of the fairway and I’ll see my ball rolling back towards me on green after green, but Beef said I’d struggle to break 110 and I’d absolutely love to prove him wrong.
And just once, can I chip in with my Chipper?
I’ve been getting some serious abuse for my decision to put a chipper in the bag. And what better way to silence the naysayers than by slamming one in from off the green? What better way? Well it would ideally also be on film, from about 30 yards, playing with Beef on a US Open course to card a 109. And if we can combine that with my first ever eagle, well, I really can die happy.