Your problems solved
OUR MYSTERIOUS AGONY UNCLE HELPS TO SOLVE YOUR DILEMMAS. SORRY IF HE GETS A BIT GRUMPY
TopGear’s curmudgeonly agony uncle pretends to care about your issues. Fails
Dear Uncle TG
I’m looking to buy a scooter, but I don’t know anything about them. What’s the best sort? Dan, Birmingham Scooters are ghastly things, and in my book the best kind of scooter is one that has been broken and smashed. So there you go, you should get a broken and smashed scooter. In fact, I think there might be one on your local high street.
Dear Uncle TG
I’m thinking of treating myself to an original Aston Martin Vanquish, but I hear bad things about the paddleshift gearbox. Is it really as terrible as some might claim? John, by email The old Vanquish is a magnificent car but, as you have noticed, some say the changes from its paddle-shift gearbox are rather slow. However, the gap between each change will give you a chance to do something useful such as read a newspaper or learn a new language.
Dear Uncle TG
My Supra is well boss and their no car its not fasterer then. Wanna competition? LG, by email Only if there’s a grammar round.
Dear Uncle TG
Can you settle an argument. What does SUV stand for? My mate says it’s ‘sporty utility vehicle’ but that doesn’t sound right to me. They’re not sporty at all! Caz, by email SUV doesn’t stand for anything. It’s short for SUVARI, as in the American actress Mena Suvari who accidentally invented the vehicle genre while looking for a car that would make her seem taller. The British gardener Alan Titchmarsh later tried to claim that he had invented a high-riding car years earlier, but no one was very keen.
Dear Uncle TG
What’s better, a Skoda or a VW? My dad says they’re both the same but the Skoda is cheaper so that’s better. He also says an Audi is the same but more expensive than the Skoda and the VW and that makes it a waste of money. Is he right? Dallas, Sheffield Your father is a wise man, Dallas. Apart from when it comes to naming children, in which area he is clearly a blithering oaf.
Dear Uncle TG
More and more cars are putting important functions on a touchscreen instead of an actual button on the dashboard. Where will this madness end? Peter, London I don’t know, Peter, but it’s certainly going to make steering interesting.
Dear Uncle TG
An orange light has lit up on the dashboard of my Citroen Picasso. My neighbour says it’s the engine warning light. What should I do? CK, by email In my experience, Picasso drivers aren’t the brightest, and it sounds sensible to warn them the car has an engine. Otherwise, they may mistake it for a sideboard.