Driving test: Ralph Little
Cheery actor-chap talks Jaguar XJ220s, Fiat Unos and V8 Vantages. Good man
HE’S AN ACTOR, SEMI-PRO FOOTBALLER, HELICOPTER PILOT AND THE WORLD’S LEADING AUTHORITY ON DUAL CARRIAGEWAYS
Hi. Sounds like you’re in a car right now…
I am! If I’m in town I tend to get driven, but if I’m out of town I can’t wait to get behind the wheel. As long as it looks amazing, goes fast and sounds good, I’m happy.
Have you always liked cars?
It started because I had a poster of a Jag XJ220 on my wall. I had a choice between that and one of Pamela Anderson, and I decided the XJ220 would be less embarrassing if my mum came in.
What was your frst car?
When I passed my test it was my dad’s bright yellow Ford Fiesta with a blue stripe. I think he bought it from Huddersfeld council or something and it still had the council colours. Even though it was such a stupid looking car, it was my frst one, so I was insanely proud of it.
What did you have next?
The frst car I owned was a Fiat Uno. That lasted a year until I wrote it of. Then – see if you can guess when my career took of – I had another Ford Fiesta for a year… then a Jaguar XKR. As soon as things started happening for me, I was like “don’t care about where I live, I want a fash car”.
How old were you when you had the XKR?
I was 22 and thought I was sophisticated. I spent all my money – all of it – on a James Bond car and a James Bond watch. I’ve always been careful with money but when it comes to cars I have a huge blind spot. So then I bought an Aston DB7…
How was it?
Rubbish. They say they’re hand built. What that means is that it falls apart. The passenger door would only open every 50 attempts – not a big thing, but you do expect the door to open.
What about your best car?
An Aston Martin V8 Vantage. You’d pay for your petrol and return to the forecourt and it would take your breath away every single time.
Your cars are quite tasteful for a footballer…
[Laughs] You’re not wrong! I park it on the street in London, but if I’d bought a bright yellow Lamborghini you’re almost saying “yeah look at me, come on, do something to my car”.
How clean is your licence?
Not massively. Nine points and a speed awareness course. But I have to say, I was very surprised. I thought it was going to be four hours of nonsense and boredom, but it was a lot more useful than that. There were so many things I didn’t know. Like the fact that a dual carriageway has to have a central reservation to be classifed as a dual carriageway, and the limit’s 60mph. Oh, no, 70mph. Sorry.
Tell us how you wrote of the Uno…
I was going around a corner on a lane when the sun came out and blinded me. I braked and skidded on the gravelly road and hit a car coming the other way. That was a lesson learned.
Ever driven a car on telly?
I’m desperate to do a lap on TG. I’m a helicopter pilot so I want to fy in, do the lap and fy out.
What do you drive now then?
After the V8 Vantage I had a C63 AMG Coupe. Now I have an SL63 AMG. In Sport, it takes the skin of your face. And when you put the belt on, it waits a minute then tightens across your chest. If I ever have female passengers they look at me and say “did you make it do that?” And I say, a) I couldn’t do that, and b) how dark do you think I am?