THE MIDDLE LANE
TGTV script writer Sam Philip wonders if the VW ID.3’s screen will be just as baffling in 60 years
With a flicker of his pupils to activate the retina scanning security system, Simon Coggle unlocks his garage. The graphene door slides to reveal 12 gleaming cars of every age and silhouette.
And there, front and centre of the pack, is the car we’ve come to see. The faintest patina troubling its Makena Turquoise paint, but otherwise as pristine as the day it rolled off the factory line, 60 years ago. A Volkswagen ID.3.
“There she is,” he chuckles. “I know I’ve got faster cars, more expensive cars...” he glances at the 2041 Lamborghini Pantaloni Marroni lurking alongside the ID.3 with menacing intent, “...but this is the one I keep coming back to. This is pure Twenties.”
Blipping the key fob – what a throwback! – Coggle slips behind the ID.3’s wheel. Everything is period correct, down to the weird off-white steering wheel. He presses the starter button, and the ID.3 blinks to life. Coggle claps his hands with glee. “Here it comes!” he chuckles. On the ID.3’s central screen, its infotainment system laboriously boots into life, as laggy and unintuitive as the day it rolled out the VW factory six decades ago. Ploddingly, the system reveals its navigation screen, a bizarre spider’s web of lines and boxes overlaid with reams of GPS coordinates.
“Just look at it,” he chuckles. “Isn’t it utterly... baffling?”
“COGGLE’S ISN’T THE ONLY ID.3 STILL RUNNING TODAY. BUT IT MAY BE THE MOST AUTHENTIC”
Coggle’s isn’t the only ID.3 still running today. But it might be the most authentic. Other period ID.3s have been restomodded, their creaking, Twenties-spec infotainment firmware replaced by a modern quantum system: an upgrade that makes the ID.3 a usable day-to-day proposition even in modern late-21st century Britain. But Coggle doesn’t care for this new-into-old approach, preferring to keep his ID.3 authentic. He believes his to be the only ID.3 left in the country still running its original infotainment system.
“Look at this,” he chuckles, running a hand over the base of the screen. “These temperature sliders. How are you supposed to use those? Not a rhetorical question. Genuinely, how do you use those?”
But, I ask, isn’t that incredibly inconvenient? “The old girl’s got her foibles,” he chuckles. “But if I wanted a quiet, easy life, I’d have a new Tesla Model 68. In fact, I do have a new Tesla Model 68.”
As he painstakingly traverses the ID.3’s submenus, delightedly pointing out the inconsistent interfaces, Coggle’s enthusiasm for the old EV – and the team that created it – is palpable.
“What were they thinking?” he chuckles, finally locating the screen that displays battery charge percentage. “Simpler times, I guess. What you have to remember about VW back then, it was just a few young dreamers in a barn, making it up as they went along.”
Not that Coggle would change a thing. “For me, the flaws are part of the charm,” he chuckles. “Ditch the infotainment, you ditch the soul.” He pauses, eyes shimmering, seemingly lost in reverie.
“Now really, please, help me figure out how to turn down the heater,” he chuckles, grimacing. “It’s literally cooking my arms!”