BMW M3 Competition

REPORT 4

£74,000 OTR/£86,745 as tested/£1,260pcm

WHY IT’S HERE

Is BMW’s mighty M3 still the performance saloon benchmark?

DRIVER

Rowan Horncastle

THE EUROPEAN ROADTRIP IS BACK! SO LONG AS YOU CAN PROVE YOU’VE been vaccinated, you can (at the time of writing) travel from the UK to France, then freely around Europe. So, having been devoid of a juicy roadtrip for two years (and thanks to two mates deciding to get married in France and Portugal) instead of getting on four separate low-cost airlines to their Big Days, I decided to join the dots with the 500bhp ‘Green Demon’ – what my non-car mates like to call the M3 – and do it in one hit.

It was a 3,650-mile voyage with a random itinerary. One that took the M3 from France’s wine region, across the Pyrenees, into Galicia, dropping south into Portugal before taking the most direct route home. Understandably, such a healthy amount of time behind the wheel offered some learnings. And dental cavities from endless bags of hard-boiled sweets. So, here’s a short list of things I learned. A much longer list is available in the Garage section of TopGear.com, so also check that out.

1 > You’ll probably spend most of the time in its tamest setting

For the majority of my trip I ended up driving the M3 like a boggo 3-Series. And I suspect most owners will end up doing the same. That’s because, compared to M3s of old, firing the car up is an anticlimactic affair: it wakes in its calmest, most efficient engine map, quietest exhaust mode and will scurry up the eight-speed auto as soon as possible when getting going.

If you want to turn it into a proper M3 you have to dress it up to be one. And even then the wardrobe is massive with the raucous motorsportinspired sexy M lingerie hidden submenu after submenu. You can save your configuration on two buttons on the wheel, but then there’s still too much choice. Plus, when it is in maximum attack mode it can be a bit too sharp, too firm. So finding a configuration that works for your situation takes time. And effort. So most of the time I just bang it in ‘D’ and get going.

2 > It was disappointing on twisty mountain roads

Imagine the scenario: you’re at the bottom of a dry mountain pass with delicious liquorice tarmac sprawled up it. You’re in an M3. What do you do? Drive, obviously. But I was let down. Yes, the car is tremendously fast, but the M3 has super light steering feel paired with the most able front end of any M3. It’s also hamstrung by its new auto box as it isn’t the keenest to shift and is too smooth for this kind of car, which, when paired with a muted engine (which this is), means you can get lost as to what gear you’re in. And that’s crucial information as you need to know where you are in the gearbox to counter the engine’s turbo lag.

3 > The knobbly gear paddles are oddly satisfying

Here’s a weird one: the M3’s gear paddles are ribbed. On the underside are some Lego brick-like bumps. I can only assume they’re a tactile response to make you think ‘sporty’ as I’m sure they don’t offer more grip. And you don’t need more grip on a gear paddle. But I have to say, on a long drive they’re oddly satisfying to strum your fingers up and down. Maybe I’m just weird.

4 > It has us frothing for the M3 Touring

BMW has teased us with a bootylicious variant of the M3 since the E46 M3 Touring prototype over 20 years ago. But it’s never pulled the trigger on a C63 Estate rival. Well, next year BMW is finally fusing a bigger boot onto the back of the M3 and it might be all the car a petrolhead will ever need. The standard M3 is practical enough (with the seats down it can swallow all you need for a European marital tour; bicycle – if you take the front wheel off – four shirts and two suits, a large suitcase, a tent, sleeping bag, pallets of water and a couple of disposable barbecues), but more than that I think the Touring will wear the G80’s more multifaceted personality better than the saloon. And people will be used to the face by then. I know I am.

“THE G80’S TRACTION IS IMMENSE. YOU’RE OFTEN LEFT WONDERING IF IT’S 4WD”

5 > The rear diff can smell like ski wax

The G80’s traction is immense. Truly immense. In fact, you’re often left wondering if it’s 4WD. The way the diff, chassis and tyres work together to keep you firing forwards is shocking. But the diff does get warm when working hard, emitting an odour not too dissimilar to an arson attack at a Yankee Candle store when you come to a standstill.

6 > How far you can go on a tank varies wildly

When driven enthusiastically, the M3 drinks like a parched university fresher. I’m talking 5–6mpg at times. Yikes. But when you’re at a steady cruise in the car’s default Efficient mode you can achieve figures in the 30s. It really goes to show the bandwidth of the S58 twin-turbo in-line six engine and how computer and fuelling maps have really come on. The best range I ever saw when brimmed was a rather fitting 666km (414 miles). But while driving normally expect to see 27mpg and around 350 miles of range. But beware, when you’re down to your last 30 miles of fuel, you’re restricted to just over 3,500rpm.

7 > The head-up display is massive

There are three head-up display configurations possible in the M3. All of them are too big. I know the point is to have information in your eyeline, but when the multicoloured rev counter becomes the size of the road, it can be a little distracting – which is the one thing it’s not meant to be.