THE MIDDLE LANE
Want to improve British drivers, asks TGTV script writer Sam Philip. Best get Attenborough on side
Earlier this year a sweeping set of changes to Britain’s Highway Code established an official ‘hierarchy’ of road users from most vulnerable to least At the top of the tree pedestrians receive the greatest protection then cyclists horse riders cars and at the very bottom the BMW X
In short if it’s squishier than you give it a wide berth
The changes were slammed in some quarters as an assault on the motor car with some papers dubbing them “a war on motorists” and “a recipe for road rage” I’m struggling to get riled up by this one I have for a while now attempted to drive by what I call the Don’t Be A Pillock principle Basically if what you’re doing behind the wheel might make an onlooker think yep whoever’s driving that car bit of a pillock stop doing it
I sometimes fall short of this goal I have at times unquestionably engaged in pillocky driving But I’m giving it my best shot Because wishy washy liberal opinion alert! I do think it’s a sweet deal that after passing a let’s be honest less than gruelling test at the age of you’re then permitted to drive a motorcar of unlimited potency for the next halfcentury or so Seems a fair tradeoff that in exchange we’re expected to play nicely with other road users
“I FALL SHORT. I HAVE AT TIMES UNQUESTIONABLY ENGAGED IN PILLOCKY DRIVING”
However I recently shared my Don’t Be A Pillock philosophy with a friend who pointed out one flaw in its otherwise watertight logic doesn’t it depend on the onlooker? One person’s ‘pillock’ is another’s ‘assertive driver’ I used to live on the same street as an elderly lady who would stand on her doorstep screaming “Boy racer!” at literally any vehicle travelling over mph Including pushbikes If she’s our arbiter no one’s getting anywhere What we need then is a hypothetical onlooker to pass judgement Someone prudent yet realistic A benevolent road god if you will
Thus it is my delight to introduce my new acronym to help us all drive a bit nicer WWAT What Would Attenborough Think?
So whenever wherever you’re driving imagine you’ve got David Attenborough in the passenger seat If he wouldn’t like what you’re doing quit it I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting the big man but we all know it Attenborough will be happy for you to give it the berries on a sinuous-but-well-sighted moorland road “The young driver ” he chuckles from the passenger seat “seems to enjoy the thrust of the VTEC” But he won’t be keen on you shoving your way out at a Tjunction when a dad with a pram is waiting to cross “Sorry Dave ” you whine “Dentist appointment!” Attenborough tilts his head ruefully and says nothing
As a nation we all know instinctively whether our driving behaviour is likely to gain us the Attenborough ‘watching a baby giraffe take its first tottering steps’ smile or his ‘just caught you deforesting the Amazon’ frown So if you don’t have time to read the entire Highway Code just consider WWAT?