THE MIDDLE LANE
This month, a chat with a neighbour leads to a revelation for TGTV script writer Sam Philip
I am trying and failing to jam another stack of flattened Amazon boxes into our recycling bin when I notice Bob beckoning furtively from across the road
Bob lives on our street We’re on firstname terms We’re definitely not on ‘beckoning furtively from across the road’ terms
Nonetheless Bob continues beckoning I abandon the boxes and wander across the street to join him
“Just bought a new car!” Bob announces in a conspiratorial whisper Bob knows I vaguely work in cars which I guess makes this opening gambit marginally less strange
“What is it?” I say
Saying nothing Bob gestures to me to follow him down the street I do He stops with a flourish next to a Toyota CHR “Toyota CHR!” triumphs Bob “What do you think?” “It’s very blue!” I reply hoping he won’t notice this is a statement of fact rather than an actual opinion Not that I’ve got anything against the CHR exactly I’m just intrigued quite what criteria would lead you to plump for a CHR over one of its many many many many rivals and to be so clearly delighted with your decision
“What made you go for the CHR?” I ask
“THEY SEE SOMETHING THEY LIKE, DECIDE THEY CAN AFFORD IT, AND THEN JUST... BUY IT”
Bob looks at me in confusion “I saw it and I liked it?” he replies “Why is there something wrong with it?”
I’d long assumed that everyone buys cars the way that I and I’m guessing you? buy cars By hoovering every crumb of information available by crunching the numbers by poring over magazine reviews by phoning Paul Horrell at pm after a couple of pints But I’m increasingly realising that a lot of people don’t buy cars that way They see something they like decide they can broadly afford it and then just buy it
Obviously what I’m supposed to say here is insane way to buy a car Bob Why would you plunge into likely the second biggest purchase of your life without sweating every detail? How could you ever rest easy without being sure you’d got absolutely definitively statistically the best car for you?
However I am near certain that Bob having purchased his CHR won’t be waking up at am worrying that his residuals might have been a few per cent better if he’d opted for the Honda HRV instead or that a lightly used Audi Q could have been the better bet I suspect Bob dear sweet naive Bob who I’m hoping doesn’t read TopGear magazine will be far more content with his purchase than I have been with any car I’ve ever bought
“Nothing wrong with it at all!” I reassure Bob cheerily “Great car You’ll love it Very blue!”
And Bob trots off down the street shiny new key fob in hand He saw it he liked it he bought it Maybe that’s how to choose a car Maybe we should all #BeMoreBob
Sam Philip is the TopGear telly script editor, and a TG mag and website regular for 15 years. Once wrote a Vauxhall Corsa joke that Paddy McGuinness described as “not totally crap”
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