RICCI’S GARAGE

Report 25 Mark's gone and turned his teenage bedroom wall fantasy into bright red reality

There’s a single poster still hanging in my old bedroom A poster once surrounded by angry nu metal bands and foldouts from Max Power magazine which now wouldn’t look out of place in a museum of Woke

But as tastes in music changed and a girl appeared who wasn’t printed at dpi one by one these posters started being removed All bar one the very first poster I ever hung up nearly  years ago And the only poster my late mum never had the heart to tear down

Clearly you can see where this is going The silly red car pictured above makes it obviousotherwise it’d be weird if I suddenly said that poster was of The Undertaker And while I’m not particularly sentimental about any carthe original Dodge ƒChrysler„ Viper RT/ˆ has been living rent free in my head ever since

It was the first car I chose on the first PSˆ game I ever bought The Need For Speed back in ˆ‹‹Œ It was also the first car I remember watching Clarkson review and that meant it became the default ˆŽˆ‘ scale model of choice for birthdays “That’s the one you like isn’t it?” Mum and Dad would say They’d actually bought a later Viper GTS but even eight year old Mark knew not to be that unreasonable

Maybe it was the styling? I can’t think of many cars which look more like a Hot Wheels model straight from the factory And in a world where a BMW M can now be specced with quad stacked exhausts the Viper’s proportions are still downright comical Then there’s the engine Its ‘  litre Vˆ was a guaranteed

Top Trumps winner before that phrase became associated with right wing lunatics By ššš standards it’d be less offensive to slap David Attenborough with a pangolin than launch a car with an ‘  litre engine

Whatever it was the Viper was the first car that made me think “Phwoar these car things are alright aren’t they?” It had side exit exhaustsno roof and no traction control It was widely reported as a complete death trap and if you’re taller than Œft your scalp became the roll hoop And you know what the older I got the cooler all of this sounded

The problem with Vipers is they don’t come up for sale very often and when they do it’s usually with some overly American specialist who definitely wears a Stetson on weekends

As luck would have it I found this one on Car & Classic ƒcomplete with a half arsed description and pictures taken on an old Nokia flip phone„ and paid Ÿ¡k for it

You could argue that’s a lot for a truck engine with fibreglass bolted around it but with lunatics paying Ÿš£k for š£ GTIs now it’s actually a complete bargain Or would be if we weren’t in a cost of living crisis

But how can you be depressed with an ‘  litre Vˆ in a car which looks like a Great Dane’s lipstick? I love how a single car can invoke so many memories That’s not something you can force with any amount of targeted marketing it only happens naturally and once it’s got you it’s impossible to shake In a world of ethically sourced vegan quinoa from Dalston the Viper remains a rump steak freshly cut from a Route ŒŒ prepared roadkill It’s ridiculous in every single way and that’s exactly why

I’ll never ever sell it

“THE VIPER IS A SNAPSHOT FROM WHEN THINGS WERE ALL A BIT DIFFERENT”

Internationally renowned photographer Mark has been working with TG for many, many years. When not taking photos he’s buying inappropriate cars. Here he shares his addiction with the world

Who had Baywatch babes on their walls? Not Mark Riccioni