RICCI’S GARAGE

Imagine buying a in smart TV while water pours from your ceiling every time the toilet flushes That wouldn’t make any sense as a homeowner so why is it perfectly acceptable as soon as it’s a car?

I refuse to believe I’m alone in this thinking Maintenance is a bit boring Yes it’s necessary and often costly but more annoying than that is the fact you don’t get anything ‘new’ in return Whereas buying something unnecessary and pointless? Phwoar sign me right up

Last year I bought two Brabus W‚ƒ„ Mercedes because I’m greedy and oblivious to the work required to keep †two‡ near ˆ ‰year‰old cars on the road I sold one to a friend in America because it needed too much work But the other one? Well that only needed a few bits to get it sweet again so that one stayed But one of those bits happens to be the ‘bulletproof’ M‚‚‹ Œ engine which has somehow starved itself of oil despite being driven just ‚‘ miles in as many months The right thing to do would involve a rebuild to make it roadworthy once again

Unfortunately the ‘right thing to do’ didn’t factor in a pair of Recaro CSE seats coming up for sale If you’re not a total Mercedes nerd these seats were the pinnacle of pre‰merger AMG goodness They’re shaped almost like wingback chairs and feature an entire panel of electric buttons for adjustment

They also cost more than a replacement engine which either shows how cheap an Eighties Mercedes V˜ is or how expensive leather Recaro CSEs are The truth is somewhere between the two as usual

Obviously that meant pausing the engine work But CSEs rarely come up for sale in good condition You’d be foolish not to take a minor detour for a set and they’ll always be worth good money They are fairly useless without a working car though

So is a rare four‰spoke Intervolante AMG steering wheel That was the next distraction which continued to take the engine rebuild on an even longer detour But like those seats it’ll always be worth decent money because it’s collectible Assuming it’ll actually steer a moving Brabus Mercedes Now engine time

Hold that thought Because this is Ricci’s Garage and if I approached things logically each page would be very tedious and boring What I actually need to do is throw all common sense out the window and dive headfirst into the world of Eighties car audio Because nothing says Eighties excess like a tower of gold‰plated audio crammed into a car that barely had a working radio

You’re looking at a Clarion ‘stack’ and when fitted it’ll take over half the dashboard That’s because there’s four amplifiers a tape deck AM/ FM tuner and a proper manual equaliser This too seemed to cost more than a replacement engine but just look at it These days we’re lucky to get a single USB slot and a touchscreen But in the ‚ SEL era? Buttons on every panel every illumination known to man and the ability to tweak every speaker’s performance individually

This does leave the Brabus back at square one¢ sitting in the same spot for several months more while saving begins again for the engine rebuild In my defence all of these Gucci parts will add to the driving experience at some point †hopefully‡ soon assuming nothing else interesting comes up for sale in the meantime

“WHAT I ACTUALLY NEED TO DO IS THROW ALL COMMON SENSE OUT THE WINDOW”

Internationally renowned photographer Mark has been working with TG for many, many years. When not taking photos he’s buying inappropriate cars. Here he shares his addiction with the world

When he took it apart, this diagram made complete sense. Now? Not so much