SIMON COWELL RUINED MY LIFE

Pop Svengali is nightmare neighbour from Hell, say Redditch couple

AWEST MIDLANDS couple have had their hopes of a quiet retirement trashed by SIMON COWELL. Reg and Janice Beetroot of Foulage Lane, Redditch, claim that the peaceful cul de sac where they live has been turned into a living hell since the millionaire talent show impresario and his rowdy family moved in. “The three months they’ve lived next door have been a nightmare,” Janice, 68, a former dinner lady, told their local paper the Redditch Crumhorn. “They never stop arguing. You can hear them through the walls, shouting, swearing and screaming at each other every hour of the day. They’re forever burning rubbish in the back yard, and they’ve got these big dogs they keep chained up that bark all day while they’re out doing The X-factor and Britain’s Got Talent.”

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Retired civil servant Reg, 71, said: “Their kids are completely out of control. They’ve got these monkey bikes that they ride up and down the street, and if you tell them to ride them on the road you get a right load of four letter abuse for your trouble.”

“He’s got this Opel Manta up on bricks in the front, and he’s always out there revving it up and tinkering with the engine,” Mr Beetroot added. “Last week I caught him emptying a washing up bowl of old sump oil down the drain and when I remonstrated with him, he called me an effing c-word in front of my wife and threatened to put my windows through.”

Speaking to the paper, the Beet-

“Not only that,” said Mrs Beetroot. “But there’s men and girls knocking on the door at all hours, going in that house and coming out ten minutes later. I’m sure they’re running a knocking shop in there.”

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“I’ve called the police on them more times than I care to remember, but they don’t even bother coming round any more. We’re at our wits’ end.”

TheBeetroots have even considered selling up to get away from their nightmare neighbours. “We put the house on the market, but every potential buyer who came round took one look at him sat in his front garden, drunk as a lord and swigging from a can of lager, with all his brood of kids running around shouting and swearing, and they just drive on,” said Mr Beetroot.

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“And who can blame them?” he added. “Who’d want to live next door to a family like the Cowells?”

Reading from a prepared statement, the Britain’s Got Talent star’s agent Jocasta Sitton told the paper she was unaware of any complaints from neighbours regarding the behaviour of Simon Cowell’s family.

tripitaka

“If Mr and Mrs Beetroot have any complaints, they should say it to his fucking face, not go squealing to the fucking papers or the fucking coppers,” she said.

“They’ll have a right old sort out, right there on the street, alright? They can even pick somebody to help them if they like, and they can bring their fucking dinner. Because they’ll need it after he’s finished with them,” Miss Sitton added.