...Idris Elba

ALEC’S VERDICT: “At first glance, the 46-year-old Luther star has everything I’m looking for when I take a new lad on my books; he’s tall, good-looking and he clearly takes care of himself. He’s also got legions of female fans, so he should have no trouble at all filling the back room of the Meadows Social Club on a November weeknight for a dinner lady’s 60th birthday party.

What’s more, working at the BBC, he’ll have access to the Beeb’s extensive costume department. The tired old fireman, naval officer, and New York cop outfits typically worn by male strippers would be out. Instead, Elba could strut his stuff in top quality costumes such as Captain Ross Poldark, Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, or Compo from Last of the Summer Wine, peeling them off piece by piece to the cheers of the crowd.

He could even turn up in a Dalek, and drive the women wild by rubbing baby oil all over his twitching sink plunger before sexily lifting the lid off his outfit and seductively clambering out of it, completely Billy Bollocks.

On the downside, as an international movie star, Elba clearly has has a hectic shooting schedule. If he’s in Hollywood filming an action sequence for the latest Fast and Furious blockbuster, it may prove difficult for him to get back across the Atlantic in time to do a Friday night hen-do at the Aircraft Social Club near Trent Bridge.

Having said that, I’d definitely take him onto my books on a trial basis if he could commit to at least three shows a week.”

Alec’s Full Monty Rating: 7/10 34