ROAR FEAR!

IT SEEMS that Viz readers are terrified of being attacked by lions, and you’ve been writing in your hundreds to tell us all about it. Here are a selection of the best letters we’ve received.

EVER since I saw the film Born Free as a little girl, I’ve been terrified of being ate off a lion. Consequently, I avoid all places where I might come into contact with them, such as zoos, safari parks and African savannahs.

Edith Creamhorn, Bude

I’VE been attacked by lions twice – once when one escaped from a zoo that I was visiting, and again when my car broke down in a safari park and I foolishly got out and started tinkering under the bonnet whilst eating a sausage sandwich.

Frank Underwear, Luton

ALTHOUGH extremely dangerous, lions are quite easy to escape from. If you encounter one, remain calm, turn slowly and start to run. If the lion begins to catch up with you, simply run a little faster.

Chester Zoolander, Cardiff

I DON’T know why they are referred to as the ‘King of the Jungle’. If a lion got hold of you, it would rip you to shreds without a thought – hardly regal behaviour in my book. I can’t imagine her

Majesty the Queen tearing her subjects limb from limb when she meets them on her walkabouts.

Ingrid Sewerage, Deal

I CUT the grass at my local safari park, and I’ve been mauled by lions more times than I care to remember. Admittedly, it’s terrifying the first time it happens, but you soon get used to it.

Hector Boardwalk, Hull

WHEN attacked by a lion, you will be perfectly safe if you kick it in the bollocks. If it’s a lioness attacking you, however, she won’t have any bollocks to kick her in, which makes the female of this species far more dangerous than the male.

D Attenborough, London

I’M absolutely terrified of lions… and I work as a zookeeper! Fortunately, however, I just take care of small mammals, like wallabies, capybaras and those stupid looking rat-like things from the adverts that sit on their hind legs. My colleague Stan does the lions as he’s not scared of the fuckers.