HRH Prince Edward

MOST people would agree that empathy is a quality sorely lacking from today’s parliamentarians. Our current crop of politicians are locked so tightly in their elitist bubbles that they can’t possibly relate to the men and women they purport to represent. That’s why, for Ronnie, there is no better candidate for Work & Pensions Sec than slapheaded ‘It’s a Royal Knockout’ failure PRINCE EDWARD.

“The Queen’s youngest sprog has been sat on his arse, collecting state handouts for the best par t of six decades, so if anyone can see eye-to-eye with Britain’s swarms of feckless unemployed, it’s him.”

“Having not done a single day’s work since the late 1980s, the bone idle Wessex-based Earl could speak to the UK’s layabouts at their level, lending an understanding ear to benefit cheats across the country. He could even offer them tips on how to gently ease into the world of work as he has, either by setting up a failed production company or becoming an intern for Andrew Lloyd-Webber.”

“A senior role such as this would also require tip-top administrative skills: the Pensions Sec is responsible for everything from DWP expenditure to overseeing the entire state age benefits system. However, I believe the Prince is more than up to the job, seeing as he single-handedly threw together It’s A Royal Knockout, which – despite being shit – must still have taken some organisation.”

“The Secretary of State for Work & Pensions is one of the toughest jobs in government, but in my opinion the otiose blue-blood would be a right Royal roaring success.”