TIM FOR A DAY
WE’VE all wondered what it would be like to be Tim For A Day, and anyone who says they haven’t is either lying or already called Tim. But with so many Tims to choose from, which Tim would YOU choose to be if YOU could spend 24 hours as a Tim?
We approached four of our favourite A-List celebs and asked them one simple question: “Which Tim would YOU be, and what would you do if you got the chance to be that particular Tim For A Day?”
BEYONCÉ, international pop icon
I’M A MASSIVE Blackburn Rovers fan – cut me and I bleed blue and white – so if I could be any Tim For A Day, I’d be former Riversiders captain TIM SHERWOOD. As soon as I woke up as ‘Tactics’ Tim, I’d go through his address book and call up all the stars from the team’s glorious Premiership-winning ‘94/95 season – from Henning Berg and Wayne Gill to Chris Sutton and Colin ‘Braveheart’ Hendry – and get them all together for a reunion kickabout at Ewood Park.
We’d go out for a few jars and a bit of Laser Quest, and then, when the clock struck midnight, I’d give the lads the shock of their lives by instantly transforming back into my ‘Bootylicious’ real self! The looks on the poor sods’ faces would be priceless.
POPE FRANCIS, top-level God botherer
MY FAMOUS ‘Popemobile’ has long been in need of souping-up, so if I could be any Tim For A Day, I reckon I’d be sexagenarian ‘Pimp My Ride’ host TIM WESTWOOD.
With Tim’s contacts in the vehicular upgrade biz, I could ‘bling out’ my iconic, oddly shaped motor with a state-of-the-art sound system, diamond-studded gearstick, leopard skin seat covers and a large airbrushed image of Eazy-E across the bonnet.
Then, if I had any time left before the clock struck midnight, I’d go back to Tim’s house and muck about with his vast collection of explosionbased sound effects whilst shrieking ‘DROP DA BOMB FOR THE UK, BABY!’ over the top.
KEVIN ROWLAND, dungaree-clad vocalist
I’VE HAD four decades of people shouting ‘Come on Eileen!’ at me in the street, and to be quite frank, I’m sick of it. So if I could be any Tim For A Day , I’d be TIM HENMAN. Then I could spend a blissful 24 hours with people shouting ‘Come on Tim!’ at me instead, which would be a hugely refreshing change of pace.
I suppose I could pick a Tim who doesn’t get ‘Come on anything’ shouted at them, but I wouldn’t want to go fully ‘cold turkey’ on the ‘Come on…’ street-shouting front, in case I found that I missed it.
KIM JONG-UN, big-boned supreme leader
IF I COULD be any Tim For A Day, I would choose to be Apple CEO TIM COOK. That way, when I woke up with his brain, memories and lived experiences, I would presumably also be able to work out how the fuck to sync my iPhone ‘Notes’ application up to my MacBook Pro. I’ve spent all week trying to figure it out and it’s doing my fucking noggin in.
I’ve phoned the Apple store Pyongyang to ask for an appointment with one of their ‘Geniuses’, but they’re all shut with this virus wotsit. So, once I’d transformed into Tim Cook and solved this riddle, I would punch myself in Tim Cook’s smug face and kick myself in Tim Cook’s balls for making these ruddy things so complicated.