HairToday,Long Tomorrow
Video diary captures Stan’s Lockdown hair growth
ASurrey man has become an internet sensation after sharing a video diary showing how his hair has grown during the Coronavirus lockdown.
Stanley Whiffles, 42, made a 30-second video every day of the 3-month lockdown, documenting his hair getting longer and longer.
The Reigate auto-parts supply chain assistant manager said the idea occurred to him as soon as Prime Minister Boris Johnson ordered barbers and hairdressers to shut up shop on March 23rd.
“I always go to my barber once a month, so when I heard that he would be closed for the foreseeable future, it dawned on me that my hair would end up longer than it had ever been,” said Whiffles.
“Straight away, I felt that such a dramatic situation needed to be recorded and shared with the nation.”
SHORT
Up until the lockdown, heavily tattooed Stanley had kept his hair fairly short. “For the last ten years, I’ve had the number four clippers at the back and sides and a general tidy-up on top,” he told The Reigate Prolapse and Fissure.
“Of course, as a younger man I experimented a bit, allowing my sideburns to grow a little, but I’ve never gone long without having a cut before.”
Stanley’s decision to document his lockdown locks growing was partially born out of a desire to show future generations what it was like living through the pandemic.
“Our grandchildren will no doubt ask what it was like to live through this whole Covid-19 episode,” the confirmed bachelor said. “I thought, what better way to demonstrate it than by showing them how I had had to let my hair grow slightly beyond the length that I would normally wear it.”
A brief Google search showed that human hair grows by about half-aninch per month, meaning that by the end of the lockdown, Stanley’s barnet would be about an inch-and-a-half longer than usual. Not only that, he also expected it to curl up a bit at the ears. “I thought something like that had to be recorded for posterity,” he said.
Speaking to reporters from the window of his upstairs bedsit, Stanley pointed out that men were suffering more than women during these trying times. He told the paper: “It’s alright for my landlady, because she wears her hair shoulder length. Her hair doesn’t really look that much different from when we locked down, whereas mine appears much fuller.”
Mr Whiffles’s blog documenting the growth of his hair - ‘Stan’s Lock-Down
Locks’ - has attracted dozens of viewers, straining the internet to breaking point. One fan commented, “Watching Stan’s hair grow in these uncertain times reminds us of the miracle of human endurance. It’s like Dunkirk all over again.”
BALDING
Another suggested: “The stiff upper lip that Mr Wiffles is showing as he stoically endures hair growth during these trying times makes me proud to be British. If there were more like him there would still be four euros to the pound.”
And it may surprise his followers to hear that the internet sensation has no plans to immediately run to the barbers once lockdown ends. Clinically obese Stan told reporters that he had grown quite fond of his new look.
“My flowing locks get many admiring glances from the ladies when I venture out to the off-licence,” he told the paper. “Since Bible days, long hair has been associated with masculine strength and virility, and it’s obvious that my flowing mane awakens something primal in the ladies.”
GROGAN
And convicted shoplifter Stan believes that such is the excitement around his blog, that there may even be a Hollywood movie in the offing.
“If Steven Spielberg or some such LA heavyweight came knocking, offering me big bucks for the screen rights to my story, I’d have strong views as to who should play me,” said twice-bankrupt Whiffles. “I feel someone such as Daniel Day-Lewis could do my story justice, a true method man who would actually let his hair grow for the role,” he said.
“If you had someone using hair extensions - or even worse, some baldy like Bruce Willis in a wig - all authenticity would be lost, draining my story of its very essence,” he added.