Paris’s Camping Tips

HI, PARIS HILTON HERE. NOW I’VE STAYED IN THE PENTHOUSE SUITES OF MY DADDY’S HOTELS ALL AROUND THE WORLD, SO I’M USED TO LUXURY. BUT I ALSO ONCE SPENT A NIGHT

IN A TENT, SO I’M AN EXPERT ON HOW TO ROUGH IT UNDER CANVAS. AND I’M GOING TO SHARE THAT EXPERTISE WITH YOU IN A SERIES OF HELPFUL CAMPING TIPS.

WHEN you go camping, remember to take plenty of bottles of Dom Perignon champagne with you, as it is unlikely that the smaller campsite shops will stock it. If they stock any champagne at all, it will probably be something inferior, like Krug or Pol Roger Brut

Reserve.

CAMPING fees can be costly, especially on the larger, more well equipped sites. Negotiate with the owner to see if they will let you stay on the best pitch for nothing in return for mentioning the name of their campsite on your blog, or in a tweet to your BFF.

CHOOSE a pitch well away from the shower block. This will ensure that you have to walk past all the other tents in your bathrobe in the morning, thereby gaining maximum exposure and increasing the chances of someone papping you for the papers.

MOST campsites allow guests to bring dogs providing that they are on a lead or in a handbag. If you have a large dog, such as an alsatian or rottweiller,

Louis Vuitton will make you a custom handbag to fit from as little as £100,000.

DON’T forget your video camera so you can make a grainy sex tape inside your tent to release onto the internet. In fact, why not take a camera crew to follow you around all the time so you can make a tawdry reality show for a lowend American TV channel?