Notes & Swearies
Dear Professor Fuck,
ISEE in Roger’s Profanisaurus that the verb “to snurge” is defined as...” To snudge, snurgle, barumph.” - which is to sniff a lady’s bicycle seat. However, in my neck of the woods a “snurge” is commonly known to be a person who shits the bed then pushes it to the bottom with their feet (and the verb is “to snurge”). Assuming both are correct uses of the word, my question is this: to differentiate the two in written form, and thus avoid confusion, should one be spelled ‘snerge’, and if so, which one? I would be grateful if you could resolve this matter and I await your reply with anticipation.
Mike Chase Lowestoft, email
Dear Professor Fuck,
YOU were obviously not proofreading the entries for the Profanisaurus (Viz 295) properly, since the Latin cum cunnus semper cunnum does not mean “once a cunt, always a cunt.” It doesn’t really mean anything. Your correspondent was trying to find a pithy way of saying, qui semel cunnus fuit, semper cunnus erit, (whoever was a cunt once will always be a cunt). For people who want to put it more shortly than that, and aren’t really arsed about features of Latin grammar, like the use of the so-called “gnomic” perfect tense to express a general truth, you could simply say, semel cunnus, semper cunnus.
Rufus Obscurus, email
Are YOU at a loss for words to describe something you’ve seen, something you’ve done or something that’s come out of your arse?
Write to Professor Fuck at profanisaurus@viz.co.uk